Ambrose Gwinett Bierce
Ambrose Gwinett Bierce
Ambrose Gwinnett Biercewas an American editorialist, journalist, short story writer, fabulist, and satirist. He wrote the short story "An Occurrence at Owl Creek Bridge" and compiled a satirical lexicon, The Devil's Dictionary. His vehemence as a critic, his motto "Nothing matters", and the sardonic view of human nature that informed his work, all earned him the nickname "Bitter Bierce"...
bladder descendant known route swim urban
PEDIGREE, n. The known part of the route from an arboreal ancestor with a swim bladder to an urban descendant with a cigarette.
brush fast holding played teeth trying
JEWS-HARP, n. An unmusical instrument, played by holding it fast with the teeth and trying to brush it away with the finger.
faiths great principal
IRRELIGION, n. The principal one of the great faiths of the world.
variable
PEDESTRIAN, n. The variable (an audible) part of the roadway for an automobile.
apostle great overeat shows skilled thy
OVEREAT, v. To dine.Hail, Gastronome, Apostle of Excess, Well skilled to overeat without distress! Thy great invention, the unfatal feast, Shows Man's superiority to Beast. --John Boop
doctrine god
PANTHEISM, n. The doctrine that everything is God, in contradistinction to the doctrine that God is everything.
accurately altogether character closing consists false hand method money obtaining reading spell submitted word wrinkles
PALMISTRY, n. The 947th method (according to Mimbleshaw's classification) of obtaining money by false pretences. It consists in ""reading character"" in the wrinkles made by closing the hand. The pretence is not altogether false; character can really be read very accurately in this way, for the wrinkles in every hand submitted plainly spell the word ""dupe."" The imposture consists in not reading it aloud.
act doer exception immortal intelligence judged light particular performed proof rule sees type wisdom
OUTCOME, n. A particular type of disappointment. By the kind of intelligence that sees in an exception a proof of the rule the wisdom of an act is judged by the outcome, the result. This is immortal nonsense; the wisdom of an act is to be juded by the light that the doer had when he performed it.
agreed candid companion encouraged man night related robber saying stories supper traveling voltaire
ROBBER, n. A candid man of affairs. It is related of Voltaire that one night he and some traveling companion lodged at a wayside inn. The surroundings were suggestive, and after supper they agreed to tell robber stories in turn. ""Once there was a Farmer-General of the Revenues."" Saying nothing more, he was encouraged to continue. ""That,"" he said, ""is the story.
entertainment given innocent military popular
RIOT, n. A popular entertainment given to the military by innocent bystanders.
burning domestic east hear land moon passions pauses poet regarded rising sound yearns
RIMER, n. A poet regarded with indifference or disesteem.The rimer quenches his unheeded fires, The sound surceases and the sense expires. Then the domestic dog, to east and west, Expounds the passions burning in his breast. The rising moon o'er that enchanted land Pauses to hear and yearns to understand. --Mowbray Myles
agreeing mostly sounds verses
RIME, n. Agreeing sounds in the terminals of verse, mostly bad. The verses themselves, as distinguished from prose, mostly dull. Usually (and wickedly) spelled ""rhyme.
founding gift libraries public
RESTITUTIONS, n. The founding or endowing of universities and public libraries by gift or bequest.
assure dead graves mass minor poet poets providing sing varied winds
REQUIEM, n. A mass for the dead which the minor poets assure us the winds sing o'er the graves of their favorites. Sometimes, by way of providing a varied entertainment, they sing a dirge.