Christopher Moore
Christopher Moore
beast dear
The prospect of change is a many-fanged beast, my dear.
evil
She's so small, yet she contains so much evil.
feelings television enough
I know that even now, having watched enough television, you probably won't even refer to them as lepers so as to spare their feelings. You probably call them 'parts-dropping-off challenged' or something.
satan lottery
I've won Satan's lottery.
army animal knitting-needles
. . . And so Charlie Asher . . . led an army of fourteen-inch-tall bundles of animal bits, armed with everything from knitting needles to a spork, into the storm sewers of San Fransciso.
upset mute beavers
. . . You seem upset, Charlie. Is something wrong? Charlie: No, no, I’m okay, I just had to take directions from a mute beaver in a fez to get here, it’s unsettling.
ducks paper pants
Charlie Asher: Mrs. Ling, is that duck wearing trousers? Mrs. Ling: Could be . . . . You hear of paper-wrap chicken? This duck in pants.
past guilt moments
It's hard for me, a Jew, to stay in the moment. Without the past, where is the guilt? And without the future, where is the dread? And without guilt and dread, who am I?
lice harem
I've seen more intelligence in the crotch lice of harem whores.
sex hands survivor
...as if someone had thrown a hand grenade into the middle of a teddy bear orgy and the only survivors had had their fur blown off.
crazy blessing islands
Boredom can be a lethal thing on a small island.
ikea brain trying
Well they're pissed off and they're hungry. I was kind of busy trying not to get my brains eaten. They seemed pretty adamant about the brain-eating thing. Then they're going to IKEA, I guess
loneliness broken life-is
Life is loneliness, broken only by the gods taunting us with friendship and the odd bonk
brain furniture eating
No one knows why, but second only to eating the brains of the living, the dead love affordable prefab furniture.