Daniel Tosh
Daniel Tosh
Daniel Dwight Tosh is an American comedian, television host, actor, writer, and executive producer. He is known for his deliberately offensive and controversial style of black comedy, as the host of the Comedy Central television show Tosh.0 and as the star of stand-up comedy tours and specials...
NationalityAmerican
ProfessionComedian
Date of Birth29 May 1975
CityBoppard, Germany
CountryUnited States of America
powerful soul needs
It's not that hard to climb a pole. All you need are powerful thighs and an empty soul.
kids gay blood
Do you know there is actually a blood test out there now to find out if your kid is gay or not? Yeah, it's an HIV test.
funny girl spiritual
You ever hear girls say that? "I'm not religious, but I'm spiritual." I like to reply with "I'm not honest, but you're interesting!"
real america realizing
Real patriotism is realizing America sucks, but everywhere else is a thousand times worse.
country marijuana smoking
I don't know what's more embarrassing in this country, that Michael Phelps fell from the graces for smoking marijuana or that you looked up to a swimmer in the first place?
ends should jokes
I'm aware that I should end a joke with the good part, I choose not too.
white guy racing
Racing does to white guys what movies do to black guys.
thinking sun causes
I don't think I could stab somebody, cause I'm really bad at a Capri Sun.
jesus tebow minus
Ben Roethlisberger is Tim Tebow minus Jesus.
one-day dozen want
One day, I want to get rich enough so that every time I walk into a room I can release a dozen doves.
blow ipods anthem
The national anthem blows. Are you kidding me? Do any of you have it on your iPod?
war drinking fighting
I was drinking tea the other day, and I thought: they used to fight wars over this.
jesus crazy hate
Does everybody have their WWJD bracelets on? 'Cause I was wearing my bracelet recently, and I was in the movie theater, and this guy's cell phone went off - don't you just hate that? Then he picked it up, 'Hey, how's it going? I'm in a movie.' And I'm like, 'Hey! Get off the phone!' And he's like, 'Mind your own business.' And I almost went crazy, but then I looked at my bracelet: what would Jesus do? So I lit him on fire and sent him to Hell.
buttons never-trust never-trust-anyone
Never trust anyone who buttons their top button.