Dave Attell
Dave Attell
Dave Attellis an American stand-up comedian, writer and actor, best known as the host of Comedy Central's Insomniac with Dave Attell and The Gong Show with Dave Attell. Born in Queens, New York, he grew up in Rockville Centre, New York with his cousins the Small family and now lives in New York City...
NationalityAmerican
ProfessionComedian
Date of Birth18 January 1965
CityQueens, NY
CountryUnited States of America
tongue alarms ass
You know what wakes me up? A tongue in the ass. There is no alarm clock on that one, you are up, you are shaking, you are in a karate stance.....the day has begun.
couple firsts sometimes
Sometimes it's hard to tell if a joke is working or not for the first couple of minutes.
growing-up dad thinking
Remember when you're young and you think your dad is Superman? And then you grow up and realized he's just a drunk who wears a cape.
dream two doors
My gym has two-pound weights. If you're using two-pound weights, how did you even open the door to the gym? What's your dream? To pump up and open your mail?
I like writing a joke, and I like when a joke works, and I like other comics who tell jokes.
people
Doesn't matter what you say or do; people can always find a way to call you a dick.
against call drunk gotta kids people
Yeah, I know, some people are against drunk driving, and I call those people ""the cops."" But you know, sometimes, you've just got no choice; those kids gotta get to school!
chicken combine eat
What's the two things they tell you are healthiest to eat? Chicken and fish, ... You know what you should do? Combine them ... eat a penguin.
running thinking hepatitis-c
I love Fear Factor, but I think they're running out of fears. It's only a matter of time before they're sitting around doing shots of Hepatitis C.
people television shows
I keep getting these people at my shows who only know me from television. I can always tell when they're, like, emotionally flinching when I start doing my jokes.
funny girlfriend discovery
I watch the Discovery Channel, and you know what I've discovered? I need a girlfriend.
funny stupid humor
Are you shooting webs of stupid at me?
I get recognized, but I'm not really a famous famous.
mean laughing people
A joke is a joke, and people put too much meaning behind it. They react to it in the wrong way. I mean, you can boo or laugh, and that's pretty much what you're supposed to do with jokes. You're not supposed to take it any further than that.