Demetri Martin
Demetri Martin
Demetri Evan Martinis an American comedian, actor, artist, musician, writer, and humorist. He is best known for his work as a stand-up comedian, being a contributor on The Daily Show, and his Comedy Central show Important Things with Demetri Martin...
NationalityAmerican
ProfessionComedian
Date of Birth25 May 1973
CityNew York City, NY
CountryUnited States of America
moving thinking progress
I think if I pick the right thing to spend my time doing, then time moves differently, because I really can get fully immersed in things and feel very alive and challenged, but in a good way. I feel a sense of progress.
gay fighting men
It's hard to know what's gay in life. Boxing. That's two men fighting over a belt.
gun water trying
When watering your plants, try to talk to them - say something like, Hold it right there and then shoot them with water gun.
years decision dumb
It's weird to make a decision where everyone in your life disapproves, pretty vocally and directly. They said, "You've got one year left. Just do it." I had a full scholarship so I didn't have to pay for it. They asked, "Why don't you just get the degree so you can have it?" And I said, "You don't understand. I was trying to figure out what I wanted to do and now I know. I have the answer and it's dumb to waste any more time."
scary looks humans
A human head looks the least scary when it is attached.
sports people usual
A sports bar is a way to take a bar and fill it with even more annoying people than usual.
years trying world
When I trip, I feel like that's the world saying come here for a second. It just pulls me closer for a second, yeah what do you want? I just want to remind you that you're uncoordinated. I'm aware of that, thank you... can I go now? Yeah, you can go, but never ever try to outrun me. Ok, world, see you later. Yeah, I'll see you in about 50 years.
whales people boat
I went whale watching once. It was very similar to watching people on a boat become disappointed.
long timing cliche
Timing is everything. That's a cliche. Now. If I'd said that a long time ago, I'd have been original.
distance thinking hair
I think hair gel was invented to make it easier to identify assholes from a distance.
school high-school television
I love Steven Wright. I was in high school in the '80s, and there was a lot of stand up on television.
have-a-great-day enemy doe
Have a great day. Note: does not apply to my enemies.
blind blindfolds ifs
If I were blind, I'd wear a blindfold all the time.
earthquakes wind chimes
Wind chimes are also earthquake chimes.