Demetri Martin
Demetri Martin
Demetri Evan Martinis an American comedian, actor, artist, musician, writer, and humorist. He is best known for his work as a stand-up comedian, being a contributor on The Daily Show, and his Comedy Central show Important Things with Demetri Martin...
NationalityAmerican
ProfessionComedian
Date of Birth25 May 1973
CityNew York City, NY
CountryUnited States of America
whales people boat
I went whale watching once. It was very similar to watching people on a boat become disappointed.
people want tacos
I've met a few people who were passive-aggressive, but I've never met anyone who was aggressive-passive. I don't want tacos! Maybe.
long timing cliche
Timing is everything. That's a cliche. Now. If I'd said that a long time ago, I'd have been original.
distance thinking hair
I think hair gel was invented to make it easier to identify assholes from a distance.
school high-school television
I love Steven Wright. I was in high school in the '80s, and there was a lot of stand up on television.
have-a-great-day enemy doe
Have a great day. Note: does not apply to my enemies.
blind blindfolds ifs
If I were blind, I'd wear a blindfold all the time.
earthquakes wind chimes
Wind chimes are also earthquake chimes.
names wish would-be
I wish my name started with a comma. That would be so dramatic.
teaching guy problem
You always hear about the guy who was raised by wolves. You never hear about the guy who was raised by the guy who was raised by wolves. The problem is, you have a non-wolf imparting wolf teachings.
song i-like-you writing
I don't think I ever wrote a song. I can write a lot of jokes, but when I try to write lyrics they're the most direct, non-figurative words, like, 'I like you, I like you,'... and that's it, for the whole song. People would go, 'Ooh, this guy's Dylan or something.' It gives me a lot more respect for songwriters, actually.
thinking drawing trying
I call it 'new forms'. When you're starting out, they ask you to do four or five minute sets, but once you're a headliner, you do like 90 minutes. I try to think of different things to divvy up the show, like doing drawings, playing music... I gotta carry the show, that's the problem.
thinking tough-times care
I care about politics, but I have a tough time making comedy out of it. I was so happy to have a chance to be on The Daily Show, and I think Jon Stewart's so funny... but mostly in my own comedy, I care about less relevant things.
sports book kids
The question is, 'how bad at sports were you as a kid?' I grew up near where they film Jersey Shore. If you weren't tan, muscular, and book-averse, you were a dork and a nerd and a geek and stuff. I remember being into Gary Larsen, Stephen Wright, Peter Sellers...