Demetri Martin
Demetri Martin
Demetri Evan Martinis an American comedian, actor, artist, musician, writer, and humorist. He is best known for his work as a stand-up comedian, being a contributor on The Daily Show, and his Comedy Central show Important Things with Demetri Martin...
NationalityAmerican
ProfessionComedian
Date of Birth25 May 1973
CityNew York City, NY
CountryUnited States of America
numbers thanks millions
You can say 'Thanks,' and you can say 'Thanks a Million' - but any number in between?..
turtles sticker knows
I wanna put stickers on turtles... I don't know why.
mysterious-ways lord sneak
The lord works in mysterious ways. Indeed. And a shorter way to say that is: God is a sneak.
special albums needs
You need an audience to help you figure out what's working and what's worth putting on your album or your special - or even just what's worth touring with.
simple thinking glasses
I was thinking how strange it is that water is one of the best, simplest things on this planet, and still with a simple glass of water you can neutralize so many of the greatest technological advances that we provide. Like with my blackberry, I can get in touch with so many people, but if I dip it in a small glass of water I'm completely disconnected.
car buying advertising
When I'm buying car insurance I ask myself, 'Which company has the most annoying and relentless commercials?'
interesting would-be ifs
It would be interesting if Elvis were reincarnated as an Elvis impersonator.
new-york mean want-something
I live in New York and there are a lot of famous... pizzerias in my neighborhood, it's really hard to find one that isn't famous. Which sucks sometimes, you know what I mean, sometimes I don't want all that glitz and glamour, I just want something delicious, you know? I don't need a celebrity in my mouth, Ray's Up And Coming Pizza would be fine.
rooms cookies mystery
Why are there not positive mysteries? It's always who stole the diamond, or who killed the butler? How about... who made cookies, somebody cleaned my room.
waiting lists exaggeration
You know what's the greatest part of anything ever in the history of everything? Exaggeration. No, wait; it's correcting yourself. No, better yet, it's making lists.
jesus guy looks
The chances of someone who looks like Jesus having pot raises steadily, to a point. If the guy is on a cross you may have the wrong guy.
children kids watches
I saw a sign that said, 'Watch for children.' I was like, 'That sounds like a fair trade - especially if they're crappy kids.'
kids want yeah
When someone shows you a picture of their kids what they don't want to hear is Oh, yeah, I got pictures of your kid too.
greek way asking
Do you have any Greek in you? That was just a tactful way of asking if you're pregnant. If you're not, then let's break up.