Demetri Martin
Demetri Martin
Demetri Evan Martinis an American comedian, actor, artist, musician, writer, and humorist. He is best known for his work as a stand-up comedian, being a contributor on The Daily Show, and his Comedy Central show Important Things with Demetri Martin...
NationalityAmerican
ProfessionComedian
Date of Birth25 May 1973
CityNew York City, NY
CountryUnited States of America
eyebrows perfect terrible
Separate but equal is terrible for education but it's perfect for eyebrows.
articles clothings
I've never read an article of clothing.
book use paper
I still like paper books. Like, book is a flammable object. After you read it, you could use it to get warm. Or it could become a pile of napkins.
heckling rooms ratchets
Sometimes heckling can almost help a set, because it ratchets up the tension in the room... can even bring things to a climax.
flavor eating natural
I was eating some candy and looked on the wrapper, and it said made from natural and artificial flavors. You could just say flavors.
doors
How to be a bouncer: be an asshole; stand near a door.
party way shortcuts
One thing I learned is that it's never OK to walk through a cemetery dressed as a mummy - even if that was a shortcut on the way to the costume party.
ideas training firsts
When I first heard the term 'training bra,' I was freaked out. I was pretty young and I said, 'Did you just say training bra? They're training their chests? I had no idea.' See some lady, her boobs are everywhere. 'What's her deal?' Those are untrained titties.
jumping bungee born
I never went bungee jumping. The closest I did was I was born.
dog two sweaters
I saw a dog wearing a sweater and I thought that looked ridiculous 'cause dogs don't have arms. If you're going to put clothes on the dog, you should put two pairs of pants on it.
class firsts fart
I don't usually fly in first class, but I fart in first class.
horse college men
There is also a beast, a beast of strange dimensions. He has the head of a horse and the body of a man who needs a lot of attention. He represents me in college: I was a dork-ataur.
snacks perfect dry
Cotton candy is the perfect snack for when I'm in the mood to eat dry, scratchy fabric.
thinking pluto grew
The planets. Now footnote, I'm including Pluto in the planets, because I think it's terrible what they did to Pluto. And it's still a planet to me. I grew up with Pluto as a planet, it will always be a planet.