Demetri Martin
Demetri Martin
Demetri Evan Martinis an American comedian, actor, artist, musician, writer, and humorist. He is best known for his work as a stand-up comedian, being a contributor on The Daily Show, and his Comedy Central show Important Things with Demetri Martin...
NationalityAmerican
ProfessionComedian
Date of Birth25 May 1973
CityNew York City, NY
CountryUnited States of America
thinking smoking looks
A pipe is greater than a bong. Because when you're smoking a pipe at least it makes you look like you're thinking about something.
gun men hands
A squirrel is the same as a can, when there's a bb gun in my hand. Can't you see that I am just a man? With distinctions... and comparisons.
blow wind way
Whenever I throw caution to the wind I make sure I'm facing the right way so that it doesn't blow back and hit me in my face.
beautiful fall motorcycle
A jerk on a motorcycle is equal to a leaf, because I find it beautiful when these things fall.
garden rocks stones
Leave no stone unturned in your quest to disrupt a rock garden.
stupid certain i-can
I can always tell how stupid someone is by how certain they are about what they're saying.
home machines speed
Now I got a time machine at home. It only goes foreword at regular speed. It's essentially a cardboard box and on the outside I wrote time machine in sharpie.
queens cubes drag
A Rubik's cube is equal to a drag queen. It's really colorful, but I don't wanna do it.
distance two lines
The shortest distance between two idiots is a conga line.
rain ceilings fans
I am a ceiling fan, especially during rain.
party thinking people
The problem with my balloon collection is that people always think there's a party. Settle down. It's not a party. It's just balloons.
baby men dust
I am a man. And I am former baby and a future skeleton, and I am a distant future pile of dust.
vampire fads make-sense
Vampire fad just won't die. Makes sense, I guess.
airplane thank-god forgotten
As soon as I jumped out of the airplane, I realized I had forgotten my parachute. Thank God we were still on the runway.