Demetri Martin
Demetri Martin
Demetri Evan Martinis an American comedian, actor, artist, musician, writer, and humorist. He is best known for his work as a stand-up comedian, being a contributor on The Daily Show, and his Comedy Central show Important Things with Demetri Martin...
NationalityAmerican
ProfessionComedian
Date of Birth25 May 1973
CityNew York City, NY
CountryUnited States of America
funny issues kites
I was in my friends garage, and he had; a kite, a yo-yo, and a boomerang. I was like "Dude, you have abandonment issues"
thinking interesting rhyme
I think it's interesting that cologne rhymes with alone.
country people ifs
People only mention it's a free country if they're doing something shitty.
funny jigsaw says wanna
I wanna make a jigsaw puzzle that's 40,000 pieces. And when you finish it, it says 'go outside.'
snakes spaghetti
I wanna see a snake eat spaghetti.
funny horse humor
If you want to make a mythical creature, just take a regular animal and add wings to it. A horse becomes a Pegasus, a lion becomes a griffin, and a hawk... becomes a double hawk.
art earth art-is
The earth without art is just eh.
choices dishwashers efficient
Multi-Choice question: My dishwasher is: efficient; hilarious.
stupid zippers two
There are two kinds of jackets - reversible, and reversible but it's hard to zipper up and it looks really stupid.
realizing get-real disillusioned
You get really disillusioned, because you thought you were in love. But you realize that you're just alone.
america castles tanks
99.99% of all castles in America are located in fish tanks.
trying important way
The best way to make somebody feel important is to try to assassinate them.
two annoying god-bless-you
Earrings are the same as sneezes: Two is okay, but ten in a row is annoying. If you have two then, God bless you.
kids artist people
Laborers want their kids to be merchants or business people. Business people want their kids to be professionals. Professionals want their kids to be academics, professors. Academics want their kids to be artists. And artists don't care if their kids are laborers or not. They can be anything.