Emo Philips
Emo Philips
Emo Philipsis an American entertainer and comedian born in the Chicago suburb of Downers Grove. Much of his standup comedy stems from the use of paraprosdokians spoken in a wandering falsetto tone of voice and a confused, childlike delivery of his material to produce the intended comic timing in a manner invoking the 'wisdom of children' or the idiot savant...
NationalityAmerican
ProfessionComedian
Date of Birth7 February 1956
CityChicago, IL
CountryUnited States of America
My sister just had a baby. We can have company over. She'll be in front of everyone with her um... breast... out feeding it. You know... cereal or whatever.
Cell phones are like a dog's nipples... you don't have to shout into them!
Sometimes my mother goes through my socks and underwear. I wouldn't mind, but it tickles so much!
Recently, I've ventured into the mammal family - so that's good for my sex life.
I don't know if I have sexual magnetism or animal magnetism, though sometimes I'll find a squirrel stuck to my forehead.
Santa Fe is fun to visit, but property there will cost you an arm and a dillo.
I ran five miles today. Then, finally, I said, 'Here, lady...take your purse.'
Writer's block is a myth. I never see the gardeners suffering from gardening block.
I used to be scared of pretty girls, until one confessed they're just as scared of me.
One man's pet-stained carpet is another man's Twister game.
Computers aren't intelligent, they only think they are.
You know what I hate the most? People that imitate owls.
Probably the worst time in a person's life is when they have to kill a family member because they are the devil. But otherwise it's been a pretty good day.
Even the worst comic is at least somewhat entertaining, if only in a pathological way, for five minutes.