Emo Philips
Emo Philips
Emo Philipsis an American entertainer and comedian born in the Chicago suburb of Downers Grove. Much of his standup comedy stems from the use of paraprosdokians spoken in a wandering falsetto tone of voice and a confused, childlike delivery of his material to produce the intended comic timing in a manner invoking the 'wisdom of children' or the idiot savant...
NationalityAmerican
ProfessionComedian
Date of Birth7 February 1956
CityChicago, IL
CountryUnited States of America
I picked up a hitch hiker. You've got to when you hit them.
My first job as a kid was going from door to door selling Christmas cards, to raise money for my grandmother's hip replacement. Because, you know... You break it, you buy it.
I discovered my wife in bed with another man, and I was crushed. So I said, 'Get off me, you two!'
My ex-girlfriend was very sexy. She reminded me of the Sphinx because she was very mysterious and eternal and solid...and her nose was shot off by French soldiers.
I think fur looks better on an animal than on a human being. So I dress my dog in a mink teddy.
I find you can often find humor just by turning something upside-down. Like a... small child.
I love Florida. I love the beach. I love the sound of the crashing surfers against the rocks.
When I was a kid my dad would say, "Emo, do you believe in the Lord?" I'd say, "Yes!" He'd say, "Then stand up and shout Hallelujah!" So I would ... and I'd fall out of the roller coaster.
Libertarians believe consenting adults have the right to do whatever they choose, except band together.
I give money to Unicef because I like the 'bang for your buck' aspect. Here's $10, go and save 1,000 kids from blindness!
I was at a bar nursing a beer. My nipple was getting quite soggy.
In our school you were searched for guns and knifes on the way in and if you didn't have any, they gave you some.
My girlfriend said, Emo, I'm seeing another man. I said, Well, try rubbing your eyes or something.
I was the kid next door's imaginary friend.