Related Quotes
funny wall cancer
Donald, I'm not sure if you're even aware of this, but the only difference between you and Michael Douglas from the movie, Wall Street, is that no one's going to be sad when you get cancer. Anthony Jeselnik
funny girlfriend couple
A couple of months ago, I gave my girlfriend some fancy lingerie, and she actually got mad at me. She said, 'Anthony, I think this is more of a gift for you than it is for me.' And I said, 'If you want to get technical, it was originally a gift for my last girlfriend.'
funny dad father
My dad was a complicated man. He was a huge racist, my dad, but he still tried to be a good father, you know? Like, he would tell me that Santa Claus was black - that way, when I found out he didn't exist, it wouldn't be that big a let down.
funny mom brother
When I finished high school, I wanted to take all my graduation money and buy myself a motorcycle. But my mom said no. See, she had a brother who died in a horrible motorcycle accident when he was 18. And I could just have his motorcycle.
funny blessed dental
Blessed are they who hold lively conversations with the helplessly mute, for they shall be called dentists. Ann Landers
funny motivational hilarious
Television has proved that people will look at anything rather than each other.
funny children talking
If you want your children to listen, try talking softly - to someone else.
funny hilarious party
At every party there are two kinds of people - those who want to go home and those who don't. The trouble is, they are usually married to each other.
funny friends country
One out of four people in this country is mentally unbalanced. Think of your three closes friends; if they seem OK, then you're the one.
humorists
Great humorists are great insulters. Dick Cavett
men religion useless
Men would never be superstitious, if they could govern all their circumstances by set rules, or if they were always favoured by fortune: but being frequently driven into straits where rules are useless, and being often kept fluctuating pitiably between hope and fear by the uncertainty of fortune's greedily coveted favours, they are consequently for the most part, very prone to credulity. Baruch Spinoza
men simplicity fame
The greatest truths are the simplest, and so are the greatest men. Augustus Hare
men goes-on prometheus
And man will go on. Man, not men. Ayn Rand
men years advice
That man has offered me unsolicited advice for six years, most of it bad. Calvin Coolidge
men happiness-and-success foundation
The seminary programs will help you as a young man or woman to lay a foundation for happiness and success in life. Richard G. Scott
men hands way-in-life
A man who wishes to make his way in life could do no better than go through the world with a boiling tea-kettle in his hand. Sydney Smith
men remembrance desire
I desire to leave to the men that come after me a remembrance of me in good works. Lord Alfred Tennyson
men ignorant exciting
The saddest thing about any man is that he be ignorant, and the most exciting thing is that he knows.
men want honest
When I want a peerage, I shall buy one like an honest man.