Emo Philips
Emo Philips
Emo Philipsis an American entertainer and comedian born in the Chicago suburb of Downers Grove. Much of his standup comedy stems from the use of paraprosdokians spoken in a wandering falsetto tone of voice and a confused, childlike delivery of his material to produce the intended comic timing in a manner invoking the 'wisdom of children' or the idiot savant...
NationalityAmerican
ProfessionComedian
Date of Birth7 February 1956
CityChicago, IL
CountryUnited States of America
I tried body surfing once, but how often do you find a corpse?
I was walking down the street. something caught my eye, and dragged it fifteen feet.
Sex is logically impossible after marriage. You have to overcome the paradox of Not this again, and Hey, where did you learn that?
I've been at stand-up for years: after a while, you get as jaded as the proverbial gynecologist who no longer enjoys drugging and violating his patients.
I was at the Wal-Mart, which is where I think everybody goes eventually. If they die without Christ.
My parents had very strict rules for me. Rules like, I couldn't be home until a certain hour.
My sister gained 80 pounds expecting her baby. Well, you get nervous, waiting for those adoption papers to clear.
I've been wrestling with reality for most of my life. I'm pleased to say I've won.
My computer beat me at checkers, but I sure beat it at kickboxing.
How many people here have telekenetic powers? Raise my hand.
I think the whole concept of monotheism is a gift from the gods.
I like to play chess with bald men in the park although it's hard to find 32 of them.
You know, at parties, people always ask, 'Where were you when Kennedy was shot?' Well, I don't have an alibi!
I was pulled over in Massachusetts for reckless driving. When brought before the judge, I was asked if I knew what the punishment for drunk driving in that state was. I said, "I don't know... reelection to the Senate?