Jerry Seinfeld
Jerry Seinfeld
Jerome Allen "Jerry" Seinfeld is an American comedian, actor, director, writer, and producer...
NationalityAmerican
ProfessionComedian
Date of Birth29 April 1954
CityBrooklyn, NY
CountryUnited States of America
family moving track
There's no way that moving in with your parents is a sign that your life is on track.
sex people bumps
People don't just bump into each other and have sex. This isn't Cinemax.
heart car maintenance
Let's face it, the human body is like a condominium apartment. The thing that keeps you really enjoying it is the maintenance. There's a tremendous amount of daily, weekly, monthly and yearly work that has to be done. From showering to open heart surgery, we're always doing something to ourselves. If your body was a used car, you wouldn't buy it.
country memorial-day patriotic
Ask not what I can do for you. Ask what you can do for me
being-yourself comedy objects
The whole object of comedy is to be yourself and the closer you get to that, the funnier you will be.
passionate
You can be passionate about anything.
funny war army
The Swiss have an interesting army. Five hundred years without a war. Pretty impressive. Also pretty lucky for them. Ever seen that little Swiss Army knife they have to fight with? Not much of a weapon there. Corkscrews. Bottle openers. ‘Come on, buddy, let’s go. You get past me, the guy in the back of me, he’s got a spoon. Back off, I’ve got the toe clippers right here.
hate people ugh
Elaine: Ugh, I hate people. Jerry: Yeah, they're the worst.
fans ends ifs
The Beatles created something that never trailed off. What a gift that was to their fans. If you're into the Beatles, you loved them from beginning to end.
funny music humorous
Somebody just gave me a shower radio. Thanks a lot. Do you really want music in the shower? I guess there's no better place to dance than a slick surface next to a glass door.
years impression bother
Well, Howard Stern has been doing his impression of me for years. It doesn't really bother me.
congratulations winning thinking
The Olympics is my favourite sporting event. Although I have a problem with that silver medal. When you think about it, you win the gold - you feel good, you win the bronze - you think, 'Well at least I got something'. But when you win silver, it's like, 'Congratulations, you 'almost' won. Of all the losers, you came in first of that group. You're the number one 'loser.' No one lost ahead of you.
funny humor men
There's very little advice in men's magazines, because men don't think there's a lot they don't know. Women do. Women want to learn. Men think, 'I know what I'm doing, just show me somebody naked.'
special ems want
I don't want to hear the specials. If they're so special, put 'em on the menu.