Jerry Seinfeld
Jerry Seinfeld
Jerome Allen "Jerry" Seinfeld is an American comedian, actor, director, writer, and producer...
NationalityAmerican
ProfessionComedian
Date of Birth29 April 1954
CityBrooklyn, NY
CountryUnited States of America
funny mafia irs
The IRS! They're like the Mafia, they can take anything they want!
hilarious lying people
People who read the tabloids deserve to be lied to.
funny witty laughter
A two-year-old is kind of like having a blender, but you don't have a top for it.
years lunch meditation
Every day when everybody would have lunch I would do TM [Transcendental Meditation] and then I would eat while I was working because I had missed lunch but that is how I survived the 9 years [of Seinfeld], it was that 20 minutes in the middle of the day would save me.
witty want responsible
Responsible, who wants to be responsible? Whenever something bad happens, it's always, who's responsible for this?
heads-up
Keep your head up in failure and your head down in success.
funny motivational death
According to most studies, people's number one fear is public speaking. Number two is death. Death is number two. Does that sound right? This means to the average person, if you go to a funeral, you're better off in the casket than doing the eulogy.
good-night coffee sleep
I think the answer is we all need a little help, and the coffee's a little help with everything — social, energy, don't know what to do next, don't know how to start my day, don't know how to get through this afternoon, don't know how to stay alert. We want to do a lot of stuff; we're not in great shape. We didn't get a good night's sleep. We're a little depressed. Coffee solves all these problems in one delightful little cup.
funny dog crazy
You know why dogs have no money? No pockets. 'Cause they see change on the street all the time and it's driving them crazy. When you're walking them, he is always looking up at you. "There's a quarter...."
running thinking suffering
Fear of success is one of the new fears I've heard about lately. And I think its definitely a sign that we're running out of fears. A person suffering from fear of success is scraping the bottom of the fear barrel.
funny witty humorous
Men don't care what's on TV. They only care what else is on TV.
skills two people
There are more social skills required to talk one-on-one [than to an audience]. You don't have to be socially fluid to talk to two thousand people.
complaining way comedy
Comedy is just complaining in an entertaining way, Enterplaining.
kids opposites waiting
Kids don't say, "Wait." They say, "Wait up, hey wait up!" Because when you're little, your life is up. The future is up. Everything you want is up. "Hold up. Shut up! Mum, I'll clean up. Let me stay up!" Parents, of course, are just the opposite. Everything is down. "Just calm down. Slow down. Come down here! Sit down. Put... that... down."