Jerry Seinfeld
Jerry Seinfeld
Jerome Allen "Jerry" Seinfeld is an American comedian, actor, director, writer, and producer...
NationalityAmerican
ProfessionComedian
Date of Birth29 April 1954
CityBrooklyn, NY
CountryUnited States of America
funny dog humorous
If aliens are watching us through telescopes, they're going to think the dogs are the leaders of the planet. If you see two life forms, one of them's making a poop, the other one's carrying it for him, who would you assume is in charge?
funny goodbye smell
I will never understand why they cook on TV. I can't smell it. Can't eat it. Can't taste it. The end of the show they hold it up to the camera, 'Well, here it is. You can't have any. Thanks for watching. Goodbye.'
block writing excuse
Writer's block is a phony, made up, BS excuse for not doing your work.
happy-birthday funny-birthday blow
You know you're getting old when you get that one candle on the cake. It's like, 'See if you can blow this out.'
good-night sleep kids
I am a very organized person. I get up at 6:15 a.m., the kids get up at 6:45 a.m., and so I get up and get it in. I’m addicted to the high function. To me it’s a work thing -- if you meditate, you can get so much work done. I always say to people you know how about three nights a year you get a good night sleep? You can have it every day with meditation.
funny thinking comedy
I think it's funny to be delicate with subjects that are explosive.
funny makeup color
Where lipstick is concerned, the important thing is not color, but to accept God's final word on where your lips end.
funny christmas people
That's the true spirit of Christmas; people being helped by people other than me.
funny hilarious witty
Now they show you how detergents take out bloodstains, a pretty violent image there. I think if you've got a T-shirt with a bloodstain all over it, maybe laundry isn't your biggest problem.Maybe you should get rid of the body before you do the wash.
love funny marriage
Being a good husband is like being a good stand-up comic - you need ten years before you can even call yourself a beginner.
witty time cutting
I am so busy doing nothing... that the idea of doing anything - which as you know, always leads to something - cuts into the nothing and then forces me to have to drop everything.
funny witty humorous
It's amazing that the amount of news that happens in the world every day always just exactly fits the newspaper.
essence comedy crankiness
You know, crankiness is at the essence of all comedy.
writing editors magazines
I wrote an article on a new Porsche for 'Automobile Magazine.' I knew the editor, and she asked me to write this article. So I'm more proud of that than anything.