Joan Rivers
Joan Rivers
Joan Alexandra Molinsky, better known as Joan Rivers, was an American comedian, actress, writer, producer, and television host noted for her often controversial comedic persona—where she was alternately self-deprecating or sharply acerbic, especially toward celebrities and politicians...
NationalityAmerican
ProfessionComedian
Date of Birth8 June 1933
CountryUnited States of America
hate reality shows
I hate reality shows that are not reality.
self self-pity pity
Self-pity shortens your life ...
grandchildren noses four
[When told that her grandchild had her nose:] I didn't get this nose until I was thirty-four.
fall trying stuff
[On plastic surgery:] My motto is: 'Anything that can be lifted should be lifted. Anything that falls should be caught. And try to catch any falling stuff before it hits the ground.
thinking fey looks
I don't think there'd be a Tina Fey now if I hadn't tried to look good in the beginning.
littles glamour newark
Omaha is a little like Newark, without Newark's glamour.
running scared
Run scared ... and they never catch you.
fashion ak-47 care
I could never be in a cult. For starters, they never accessorize properly. David Koresh had no fashion sense, Jim Jones wore leisure suits, and I don't care how charismatic Osama bin Laden was, an AK-47 and an insulin drip do not take the place of drop earrings or a well-placed brooch.
queens boys england
Boy George is all England needs - another queen who can't dress.
speak-english people house
I always like a charity with people who don't speak English because I get them to do all kinds of things around my house.
turkeys sauce enough
Here's a Thanksgiving tip. Generally, your turkey is not cooked enough if it passes you the cranberry sauce.
husband taken heart
I caused my husband's heart attack. In the middle of lovemaking I took the paper bag off my head. He dropped the Polaroid and keeled over and so did the hooker. It would have taken me half an hour to untie myself and call the paramedics, but fortunately the Great Dane could dial.
husband night doors
Last night I asked my husband, 'What's your favorite sexual position?' and he said, 'Next door.'
gynecologists hats body
My body is dropping so fast, my gynecologist wears a hard hat.