Mitch Hedberg
Mitch Hedberg
Mitchell Lee "Mitch" Hedberg was an American stand-up comedian known for his surreal humor and unconventional comedic delivery. His comedy typically featured short, sometimes one-line jokes mixed with absurd elements and non sequiturs...
NationalityAmerican
ProfessionComedian
Date of Birth24 February 1968
CitySaint Paul, MN
CountryUnited States of America
funny humor mean
I went to England to tell jokes, and I wanted to tell my Smokey the Bear joke, but I had to ask the English people if they knew who Smokey the Bear is. But they don't. In England, Smokey the Bear is not the forest-fire-prevention representative. They have Smackie the Frog. It's a lot like a bear, but it's a frog. And that's a better system, I think we should adopt it. Because bears can be mean, but frogs are always cool. Never has there been a frog hopping toward me and I thought, "Man, I better play dead!"
funny humor years
They could take sesame seeds off the market and I wouldn't even care. I can't imagine 5 years from now saying, "Remember sesame seeds? What happened? All the buns are blank!"
funny humor two
I cannot tell you what hotel I'm staying at, but there are two trees involved.
funny football humor
It's weird... people say they're not like apes. Now how do you explain football then?
funny humor thinking
People ask me for my autograph after a show. I'm not famous, I think they're messing with me. I think they're trying to make me late for something.
funny humor thinking
Every time I walk by a spy shop, I think that I need to put some surveillance on somebody. Rick's been acting fishy! I need to buy a safe that looks like a Spray 'N Wash can. "Hey, Mitch, can I use the Spray 'N Wash?" "Yeah, if you want to spray your shirt with documents!"
funny soccer humor
I think foosball is a combination of soccer and shish kabobs.
girlfriend tents argument
I got in an argument with a girlfriend inside of a tent. That's a bad place for an argument, because I tried to walk out, and had to slam the flap.
stuff clock microwaves
I don't have a microwave oven, but I do have a clock that occasionally cooks stuff.
funny humor hands
I had a chicken finger that was so big, it was a chicken hand.
funny girlfriend humor
My girlfriend works at Hooters. In the kitchen.
funny humor arms
I am wearing a vest. If I had no arms, it would be a jacket.
funny humor oatmeal
I make myself a bowl of instant oatmeal, and then I don't do anything for an hour. Why do I need the instant oatmeal? I could get the regular oatmeal and feel productive.
funny humor two
I miss the $2 bill, 'cause I can break a two. $20, no. $10, no. $5, maybe, $2? Oh yeah. What do you need, a one and another one?