Mitch Hedberg
Mitch Hedberg
Mitchell Lee "Mitch" Hedberg was an American stand-up comedian known for his surreal humor and unconventional comedic delivery. His comedy typically featured short, sometimes one-line jokes mixed with absurd elements and non sequiturs...
NationalityAmerican
ProfessionComedian
Date of Birth24 February 1968
CitySaint Paul, MN
CountryUnited States of America
animals band beings human lead people second singer
I went to see a band in New York. The lead singer got on the microphone, and he said How many of you people feel like human beings tonight? Then he said How many of you feel like animals? And everyone cheered after the animals part. But the thing is, I cheered after the human being part because I did not know that there was a second part to the question.
funny humor animal
I think animal crackers make people think that all animals taste the same.
palm wrote
I had my palm read. I wrote something on it first, to see if she would read that too.
target tried walking
I tried walking into a Target , but I missed.
candle store
I went to the store to bye a candle holder. They didn't have one so I got a cake.
banana green hell hold light means red traffic yellow
On a traffic light green means go and yellow means yield, but on a banana it's just the opposite. Green means hold on, yellow means go ahead, and red means where the hell did you get that banana at...
anniversary asking company fifth five insurance interview job lady question year
I had a job interview at an insurance company once and the lady said "Where do you see yourself in five years?" and i said "Celebrating the fifth year anniversary of you asking me this question
funny cancer humor
I went to the airport, I put my bag in the x-ray machine, I found out my bag has cancer. It only has six more months to hold stuff.
funny humor want
I don't wear a watch because I want my arms to weigh the same.
funny humor glasses
I want to get a vending machine, with fun sized candy bars, and the glass in front is a magnifying glass. You'll be mad, but it will be too late.
funny humor smell
I wish they made fajita cologne, because that stuff smells good. What's that you're wearing? That's sizzlin'!
funny humor want
I want to get non-aerosol mace, you just rub it in. "Dude who is attacking me - come a little closer!"
funny sex humor
I'm a heroine addict. I need to have sex with women who have saved someone's life.
funny humor cab-drivers
I had the cab driver drive me here backwards, and the dude owed me $27.50.