Stephen Colbert
Stephen Colbert
Stephen Tyrone Colbert is an American comedian, writer, producer, actor, media critic, and television host. He currently hosts the late-night television talk show The Late Show with Stephen Colbert on CBS...
NationalityAmerican
ProfessionTV Show Host
Date of Birth13 May 1964
CountryUnited States of America
memories unique technology
I may be just an empty flesh terminal reliant on technology for all my ideas, memories and relationships, but I am confident that all of that everything that makes me a unique human being is still out there somewhere, safe in a theoretical storage space owned by giant, multinational corporations.
nerd scientist nasa
NASA scientists have discovered a new form of life, unfortunately, it won't date them either.
girl standards-set perfect
Young girls are obsessed with having a thigh gap. I blame the impossible body standards set by Spongebob.
responsibility fighting challenges
I must confess that I've never trusted the Web. I've always seen it as a coward's tool. Where does it live? How do you hold it personally responsible? Can you put a distributed network of fiber-optic cable "on notice"? And is it male or female? In other words, can I challenge it to a fight?
pain book confusion
Pain is the body's way of telling the brain it's in trouble. Similarly, confusion is the brain's way of telling the body, 'All right, buddy, drop that book.
ifs
Arby's: If I was about to be killed, I would eat it.
abortion doe parenthood
Senator John Kyle claiming that over 90 percent of what Planned Parenthood does is abortion. Stephen Colbert: Over 90 percent, that is unbelievable...in that it is not true. Only 3 percent of what Planned Parenthood does is abortion. Kyle just rounded it up to the nearest 90.
gay men gun
There once was a man name Barack, Whose re-election came as a shock. He raised the taxes I pay, And then turned marriage gay. And now he's coming after your glock.
knows
The more you know, the sadder you get.
animal looks peta
Look, PETA! If God hadn't wanted us to eat animals, he wouldn't have made them so darn tasty!
determination heart media
So my heart goes out to them. Figuratively. I would never actually entrust my heart to scientists—they'd probably implant it in a baboon. And a baboon with my heart would be practically unstoppable. Baboon strength and agility combined with my determination and media savvy? It would be a threat to all of humanity.
email messages sound
Mitt Romney's email was hacked! So if you start getting messages that sound like they're from a bot, he's fixed the problem.
summer ideas sequels
Summer movie idea: take all the sequels that are out right now, and make movies about their backstories.
stupid self waiting
If I had one wish, it would be for self-drying pants. Wait -- no! Unlimited wishes! How do I return these stupid pants?!