Stephen Colbert
Stephen Colbert
Stephen Tyrone Colbert is an American comedian, writer, producer, actor, media critic, and television host. He currently hosts the late-night television talk show The Late Show with Stephen Colbert on CBS...
NationalityAmerican
ProfessionTV Show Host
Date of Birth13 May 1964
CountryUnited States of America
taffy stretching delicious
There's nothing wrong with stretching the truth. We stretch taffy, and that just makes it more delicious.
graduation dream princess
Thankfully dreams can change. If we'd all stuck with our first dream, the world would be overrun with cowboys and princesses. So whatever your dream is right now, if you don't achieve it, you haven't failed and you're not some loser-but just as importantly-if you do get your dream, you're not a winner.
surveillance-state people credit
We all deserve credit for this new surveillance state that we live in because we the people voted for the Patriot Act. Democrats and Republicans alike....We voted for the people who voted for it, and then voted for the people who reauthorized it, then voted for the people who re-re-authorize d it.
ignorant guests vigilant
I'm just very interested in what my guests have to say. You have to be vigilant to stay ignorant.
mcdonalds dollars couches
There's nothing more I love than McDonald's dollar menu. With just the change I find between my couch cushions, I can eat something with the nutritional value of a couch cushion.
nails lions audience
I have a generally liberal audience, but they will applaud when I nail a liberal lion.
milk yogurt tomorrow
Don't cry over spilled milk. By this time tomorrow, it'll be free yogurt.
ohio two people
Twenty-two astronauts were born in Ohio. What is it about your state that makes people want to flee the Earth?" - Stephen Colbert to Congresswoman Stephanie Tubbs Jones, "The Colbert Report," November 3, 2005
thirty tolerate amount
Thirty seconds is the exact amount of time Americans can tolerate something they don't understand.
expectations trying junkie
I'm a junkie for exhaustion, and I'm a junkie for setting up my expectations too high and then trying to meet them.
mind killers failing
You gotta learn to love when you're failing.... The embracing of that, the discomfort of failing in front of an audience, leads you to penetrate through the fear that blinds you. Fear is the mind killer.
democracy buying cabal
To all the worryworts out there who said super PACs were going to lead to a cabal of billionaires secretly buying democracy: wrong! They are publicly buying democracy.
accepting status-quo visa
I don't accept the status quo. I do accept Visa, MasterCard, or American Express.
prove-it prove i-can
I can't prove it, but I can say it.