Steven Wright
Steven Wright
Steven Alexander Wrightis an American comedian, actor, writer, and an Oscar-winning film producer. He is known for his distinctly lethargic voice and slow, deadpan delivery of ironic, philosophical, and sometimes nonsensical jokes, paraprosdokians, non sequiturs, anti-humor, and one-liners with contrived situations...
NationalityAmerican
ProfessionComedian
Date of Birth6 December 1955
CountryUnited States of America
inspirational funny men
If a man says something in the woods and there are no women there, is he still wrong?
mother son talking
My mother is from another time - the funniest person to her is Lucille Ball; that's what she loves. A lot of times she tells me she doesn't know what I'm talking about. I know if I wasn't her son and she was flipping through the TV and saw me, she would just keep going.
mother sleep night
When I was a fetus, I used to sneak out at night when my mother was sleeping. I figured I should start stealing stuff while I still had no fingerprints.
children insane littles
Imagine Oshkosh straitjackets for little insane children.
business yesterday saws
Yesterday I saw a chicken crossing the road. I asked it why. It told me it was none of my business.
life baby destiny
Two babies were born on the same day at the same hospital. They lay there and looked at each other. Their families came and took them away. Eighty years later, by a bizarre coincidence, they lay in the same hospital, on their deathbeds, next to each other. One of them looked at the other and said, 'So, what did you think?
fun work distance
Everywhere is within walking distance if you have the time.
men gambling las-vegas
In Vegas, I got into a long argument with the man at the roulette wheel over what I considered to be an odd number.
dog new-york florida
I took my dog for a walk... all the way from New York to Florida... I said to him "There now you're done."
believe dont-believe
Because I don't believe everything I read.
believe yeah dont-believe
Yeah, but I don't believe everything I read.
funny teacher school
When I was in school the teachers told me practice makes perfect; then they told me nobody’s perfect so I stopped practicing.
stars believe men
Tell a man that there are 400 billion stars and he'll believe you. Tell him a bench has wet paint and he has to touch it.
mother kids hands
If a mute kid swears, should his mother wash his hands with soap?