Steven Wright
Steven Wright
Steven Alexander Wrightis an American comedian, actor, writer, and an Oscar-winning film producer. He is known for his distinctly lethargic voice and slow, deadpan delivery of ironic, philosophical, and sometimes nonsensical jokes, paraprosdokians, non sequiturs, anti-humor, and one-liners with contrived situations...
NationalityAmerican
ProfessionComedian
Date of Birth6 December 1955
CountryUnited States of America
children nice home
Be nice to your children. After all, they are going to choose your nursing home.
reality comedy observing
To me, comedy is just twisting reality. It's commenting or observing or twisting life.
song thinking listening
I wrote a song, but I can't read music so I don't know what it is. Every once in a while I'll be listening to the radio and I say, "I think I might have written that."
life witty humorous
I have an existential map. It has 'You are here' written all over it.
dream night would-be
I always thought Johnny Carson was just brilliant, and I used to watch him and all the comics that would be on the show every night - and I'd dream about it being me.
fun interesting alive
There's something about being in front of a live audience that's fun. It's a really interesting, very electric, very alive, and intense experience, and you can't get it anywhere else. And I've been doing it since I was 23, so it's part of my being - it's part of my fabric as a person.
air guy triangles
There's a pizza place near where I live that sells only slices. In the back, you can see a guy tossing a triangle in the air.
moving taken focus
I got my driver's license photo taken out of focus on purpose. Now when I get pulled over, the cop looks at it [moving it nearer and farther, trying to see it clearly], and says, "Here, you can go"
moving tired idiot
Day 1 -- Still tired from the move. Day 2 -- Everybody talks to me like I'm an idiot.
jobs book reading
I was in a job interview and I opened a book and started reading. Then I said to the guy 'Let me ask you a question. If you are in a spaceship that is traveling at the speed of light, and you turn on the headlights, does anything happen?' He said 'I don't know'. I said 'I don't want your job'.
inspirational funny life
Why don't they make the whole plane out of that black box stuff.
thinking laughing people
I feel lucky that I can have people laugh solidly for a whole hour by just saying what I think and getting paid for it.
moving next-week mars
I'm moving to Mars next week, so if you have any boxes...
home phones machines
I got an answering machine for my phone. . . . Now, when I'm not home and somebody calls me up . . . they hear a recording of a busy signal.