Steven Wright
Steven Wright
Steven Alexander Wrightis an American comedian, actor, writer, and an Oscar-winning film producer. He is known for his distinctly lethargic voice and slow, deadpan delivery of ironic, philosophical, and sometimes nonsensical jokes, paraprosdokians, non sequiturs, anti-humor, and one-liners with contrived situations...
NationalityAmerican
ProfessionComedian
Date of Birth6 December 1955
CountryUnited States of America
funny teacher school
When I was in school the teachers told me practice makes perfect; then they told me nobody’s perfect so I stopped practicing.
stars believe men
Tell a man that there are 400 billion stars and he'll believe you. Tell him a bench has wet paint and he has to touch it.
mother kids hands
If a mute kid swears, should his mother wash his hands with soap?
art guitar drawing
I paint; I draw and paint - I've been doing that since I was in third grade, drawing realistically and then changing to abstract art. That was my first creative thing before guitar or comedy.
Is it possible to be totally partial?
people laughing stuff
I laugh all the time - at things, people, stuff, whatever. But, I don't laugh onstage because then it's serious business.
art department interiors
Why do they call it the Department of Interior when they are in charge of everything outdoors?
book writing pages
I am writing a book. So far I have the pages numbered.
book islands desert
Someone asked me, if I were stranded on a desert island what book would I bring... 'How to Build a Boat.'
real might holograms
Real life? Well, I just hope mine isn't investigated. They might find that I don't really exist - that I'm just a hologram.
home air degrees
I turned my air conditioner the other way around and it got cold out. The weatherman said 'I don't understand it. It was supposed to be 80 degrees out today.' I said, oops
funny humor thinking
Today I dialed a wrong number... The other person said, "Hello?" and I said, "Hello, could I speak to Joey?"... They said, "Uh... I don't think so... he's only 2 months old." I said, "I'll wait."
home cutting light
In my house there's this light switch that doesn't do anything. Every so often, I would flick it on and off just to check. Yesterday, I got a call from a woman in Germany. She said 'cut it out'
thinking comedy express-yourself
Do you think that when they asked George Washington for ID that he just whipped out a quarter?