Steven Wright
Steven Wright
Steven Alexander Wrightis an American comedian, actor, writer, and an Oscar-winning film producer. He is known for his distinctly lethargic voice and slow, deadpan delivery of ironic, philosophical, and sometimes nonsensical jokes, paraprosdokians, non sequiturs, anti-humor, and one-liners with contrived situations...
NationalityAmerican
ProfessionComedian
Date of Birth6 December 1955
CountryUnited States of America
beating best game hang known
I've known Ian for a while. It's not about beating the best pitcher. He's still my buddy. I'll probably hang out with him tonight. It's just another game to me.
ahead
I was just getting too ahead of myself. I was rushing.
happens
It happens so fast, and I've been doing it so long that it's unconscious,
statue
The statue is permanently out of place in my house,
american-comedian paint small
It's a small world but I wouldn't want to paint it.
spot
I spilled Spot remover on my dog. Now he's gone.
hours faster officers
Officer, I know I was going faster than 55MPH, but I wasn't going to be on the road an hour.
mistake listening
No one is listening until you make a mistake.
humorous school college
I've been thinking of humorous things since I was... I can't remember when. All the way through elementary school, all the way through junior high, all the way through high school, through college and after college, I was thinking of the same kinds of things that I say in front of an audience now.
grateful careers imagination
I feel very lucky to make a living from my imagination; I'm very grateful for that. I like that what I do is create. I'm feeling very lucky to have had the career I had. It's gone much longer and bigger than I ever thought it would be.
swear
You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
funny-motivational math people
Five out of four people have trouble with fractions.
phones long calendars
I saw a close friend of mine the other day. . . . He said, "Stephen, why haven't you called me?" I said, "I can't call everyone I want. My new phone has no five on it." He said, "How long have you had it?" I said, "I don't know . . . my calendar has no sevens on it."
time watches spares
I Xeroxed my watch. Now I have time to spare.