Steven Wright
Steven Wright
Steven Alexander Wrightis an American comedian, actor, writer, and an Oscar-winning film producer. He is known for his distinctly lethargic voice and slow, deadpan delivery of ironic, philosophical, and sometimes nonsensical jokes, paraprosdokians, non sequiturs, anti-humor, and one-liners with contrived situations...
NationalityAmerican
ProfessionComedian
Date of Birth6 December 1955
CountryUnited States of America
ideas giving gems
Good jokes are gems. A good idea is hard to come by. I couldn't give them to someone else, even for money. It just wouldn't seem right.
funny country humor
Last year we drove across the country...We had one cassette tape to listen to on the entire trip... I don't remember what it was...
confused confusion bird
It's a good thing we have gravity or else when birds died they'd just stay right up there. Hunters would be all confused.
funny humor house
I bought a house on a one-way dead-end road. I don’t know how I got there.
grateful careers imagination
I feel very lucky to make a living from my imagination; I'm very grateful for that. I like that what I do is create. I'm feeling very lucky to have had the career I had. It's gone much longer and bigger than I ever thought it would be.
funny motivation lying
I took a lie detector test the other day. No, I didn't.
country phones speech
Why, in a country of free speech, are there phone bills?
funny writing humor
Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we supposed to do, write to them? Why don't they just put their pictures on the postage stamps so the postmen can look for them while they deliver the mail?
funny humor night
All the plants in my house are dead - I shot them last night. I was teasing them by watering them with ice cubes.
funny humor syllables
Why are there five syllables in the word “monosyllabic”?
funny believe humor
All those who believe in psychokinesis - raise my hand.
kids thinking years
When I was on TV in the '80s, I wasn't thinking, 'There's a 10-year-old kid watching this and in 15 years, he's gonna be doing stuff that was influenced by me.' I was trying to get my five minutes together. So now that those people are comedians and they're influenced by me - it's bizarre.
funny humor dark
OK, so what's the speed of dark?
funny humor cake
I made a chocolate cake with white chocolate. Then I took it to a potluck. I stood in line for some cake. They said, "Do you want white cake or chocolate cake?" I said, "yes."