Steven Wright
Steven Wright
Steven Alexander Wrightis an American comedian, actor, writer, and an Oscar-winning film producer. He is known for his distinctly lethargic voice and slow, deadpan delivery of ironic, philosophical, and sometimes nonsensical jokes, paraprosdokians, non sequiturs, anti-humor, and one-liners with contrived situations...
NationalityAmerican
ProfessionComedian
Date of Birth6 December 1955
CountryUnited States of America
zero math black
Black holes result from God dividing the universe by zero.
funny hilarious witty
On the other hand, you have different fingers.
funny children book
I wrote a few children's books... not on purpose.
funny birthday humor
How young can you die of old age?
friendship acupuncture voodoo
A friend of mine is into Voodoo Acupuncture. You don't have to go. You'll just be walking down the street and . . . ooooohhhhhh, that's much better.
sleep next-day self
I bought a self learning record to learn Spanish. I turned it on and went to sleep; the record got stuck. The next day I could only stutter in Spanish.
dream night world
Last night I fell asleep in a satellite dish. My dreams were broadcast all over the world.
funny humor play
I play the harmonica. The only way I can play is if I get my car going really fast, and stick it out the window.
funny girl humor
I met this wonderful girl at Macy's. She was buying clothes and I was putting Slinkies on the escalator.
funny time humor
I bought some instant water one time but I didn't know what to add to it.
money fax-machines i-can
I spent all my money on a FAX machine. Now I can only FAX collect.
car comedian sound
I put a new engine in my car, but forgot to take the old one out. Now my car goes 500 miles per hour. The harmonica sounds amazing.
funny humor night
I went for a walk last night and she asked me how long I was going to be gone. I said, 'The whole time.
girlfriend wall thinking
I'm standing behind a wall of jokes. You don't know about my personal life, my girlfriends, or what I do when I'm not on the road. There's this guy, this comedian, and this is how he thinks, but people really don't know anything about me.