Steven Wright
Steven Wright
Steven Alexander Wrightis an American comedian, actor, writer, and an Oscar-winning film producer. He is known for his distinctly lethargic voice and slow, deadpan delivery of ironic, philosophical, and sometimes nonsensical jokes, paraprosdokians, non sequiturs, anti-humor, and one-liners with contrived situations...
NationalityAmerican
ProfessionComedian
Date of Birth6 December 1955
CountryUnited States of America
nephew doe attention
My nephew has HDADHD. High Definition Attention Deficit Disorder. He can barely pay attention, but when he does it's unbelievably clear.
reflection mirrors hair
If Dracula can't see his reflection in a mirror, how come his hair is always so neatly combed?
elephants pet comedy
My roommate got a pet elephant. Then it got lost. It's in the apartment somewhere.
secret young staying-young
My secret to staying young... Having no sense of time.
inferiority very-good inferiority-complex
I have an inferiority complex, but it’s not a very good one.
photography needs cameras
I just got this new camera. It's very advanced - you don't even need it.
teacher school class
I liked school, but I used to dread those moments when the teacher would call me up to give an oral report. I forced myself to deal with it and not dwell on the class in front of me - to keep a straight face, give the report and concentrate on getting it right. That's normally how I perform. That's how I am.
dog paranoid not-sure
I got a new dog. He's a paranoid retriever. He brings back everything because he's not sure what I threw him.
mirrors house tape
I put tape on the mirrors in my house so I don't accidentally walk through into another dimension.
mind madness lost
I have not lost my mind - it's backed up on disk somewhere.
sleep naps consciousness
Consciousness: That annoying time between naps
doctors work-out shapes
My doctor told me I shouldn't work out until I'm in better shape. I told him, 'All right; don't send me a bill until I pay you.'
firsts killing first-time
It was the first time I was ever in love, and I learned a lot. Before that I'd never even thought about killing myself.
dog cat eye
I put contact lenses in my dog's eyes. They had little pictures of cats on them. Then I took one out and he ran around in circles.