Steven Wright
Steven Wright
Steven Alexander Wrightis an American comedian, actor, writer, and an Oscar-winning film producer. He is known for his distinctly lethargic voice and slow, deadpan delivery of ironic, philosophical, and sometimes nonsensical jokes, paraprosdokians, non sequiturs, anti-humor, and one-liners with contrived situations...
NationalityAmerican
ProfessionComedian
Date of Birth6 December 1955
CountryUnited States of America
funny humor thinking
I think God's going to come down and pull civilization over for speeding.
depression nice scare
You know what scares me? When you have to be nice to some paranoid schizophrenic, just because she lives in your head.
funny-life redneck way
When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
phones ears mouths
Imagine how weird phones would look if your mouth was nowhere near your ears.
dog fun insane
I bought a dog the other day. . . . I named him Stay. It's fun to call him. . . . "Come here, Stay! Come here, Stay!" He went insane. Now he just ignores me and keeps typing.
money gun giving
The lady across the hall tried to rob a department store . . . with a pricing gun. She said, "Give me all of the money in the vault, or I'm marking down everything in the store."
dog pet gone
I poured spot remover on my dog. Now he's gone.
lips karaoke arrested
I was arrested for lip-syncing karaoke.
land pieces property
I bought a cheap piece of land... It was on someone else’s property.
vegetables vegan-food vegetarian
If vegetarians eat vegetables, what do humanitarians eat
american-comedian
Right now I'm having amnesia and deja vu at the same time.
american-comedian
It doesn't make a difference what temperature a room is, it's always room temperature.
bullpen figure finish five four games next past rest threw week
The past week our bullpen threw a lot, especially with the doubleheaders in the (Rainbow) tournament, and we have five games this weekend, so I figure if I can finish the game off, I can give 'em a little rest so they can go out and get the next four games.
american-comedian ran wearing
I was walking down the street wearing glasses when the prescription ran out.