Steven Wright
Steven Wright
Steven Alexander Wrightis an American comedian, actor, writer, and an Oscar-winning film producer. He is known for his distinctly lethargic voice and slow, deadpan delivery of ironic, philosophical, and sometimes nonsensical jokes, paraprosdokians, non sequiturs, anti-humor, and one-liners with contrived situations...
NationalityAmerican
ProfessionComedian
Date of Birth6 December 1955
CountryUnited States of America
funny humor way
I live on a one-way street that's also a dead end. I'm not sure how I got there.
funny humor phones
I don't like the sound of my phone ringing so I put my phone inside my fish tank. I can't hear it, but every time I get a call I see the fish go like this <<<>>><<>><<<
funny dog moving
I got a dog and named him 'Stay'. Now, I go 'Come here, Stay!' After a while, the dog went insane and wouldn't move at all.
funny nature humor
I went to a general store but they wouldn't let me buy anything specific.
funny beautiful humor
A beautiful woman moved in next door. So I went over and returned a cup of sugar. She said, "You didn't borrow this." I said, " I will!"
funny humor giving
I rented a lottery ticket. I won a million dollars. But I had to give it back.
communication home car
I have an answering machine in my car. It says, I'm home now. But leave a message and I'll call when I'm out.
funny humor firsts
I was in the first submarine. Instead of a periscope, they had a kaleidoscope. "We're surrounded."
funny humor body
The colder the X-ray table, the more of your body is required to be on it.
funny humor matter
It doesn't matter what temperature the room is, it's always room temperature.
funny humor severity
The severity of the itch is proportional to the reach.
science car looks
I have a quantum car. Every time I look at the speedometer I get lost.
trust two glasses
[Referring to a glass of water:] I mixed this myself. Two parts H, one part O. I don't trust anybody!
funny humor people
Do married people live longer than single people or does it just SEEM longer?