Steven Wright
Steven Wright
Steven Alexander Wrightis an American comedian, actor, writer, and an Oscar-winning film producer. He is known for his distinctly lethargic voice and slow, deadpan delivery of ironic, philosophical, and sometimes nonsensical jokes, paraprosdokians, non sequiturs, anti-humor, and one-liners with contrived situations...
NationalityAmerican
ProfessionComedian
Date of Birth6 December 1955
CountryUnited States of America
birth certificates birth-certificate
I told her I knew when I was going to die because my birth certificate had an expiration date on it.
voice dull said
I'm so hyper. (said with a very dull voice>
ice sides skates
I like to skate on the other side of the ice.
statistics spots made
43.7 per cent of all statistics are made up on the spot.
toys schedules train
Do you have any toy train schedules?
hitchhiking thanks said
I was hitchhiking the other day and a hearse stopped. I said, 'No thanks, I'm not going that far.
yesterday car missing
Yesterday I parked my car in a tow-away zone...when I came back the entire area was missing...
want politician
I don't like politicians, and I don't like politics. I definitely don't want to be associated with any of them.
house sandwiches fifty
One time the power went out in my house and I had to use the flash on my camera to see my way around. I made a sandwich and took fifty pictures of my face. The neighbors thought there was lightning in my house.
waiting
The other day I ... no wait, that wasn't me.
communication home car
I have an answering machine in my car. It says, I'm home now. But leave a message and I'll call when I'm out.
emotion
I have all the emotions that everyone has; it just appears that I don't.
girlfriend writing white
My girlfriend does her nails with white-out. When she's asleep, I go over there and write misspelled words on them.
sarcastic hurt feels
A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.