W. C. Fields
W. C. Fields
William Claude Dukenfield, better known as W. C. Fields, was an American comedian, actor, juggler and writer. Fields' comic persona was a misanthropic and hard-drinking egotist, who remained a sympathetic character despite his snarling contempt for dogs and children...
NationalityAmerican
ProfessionMovie Actor
Date of Birth29 January 1880
CityDarby, PA
CountryUnited States of America
reform
Go back to reform school, you little nose-picker!
drinking living-my-life saloons
If I had to live my life over, I'd live over a saloon.
funny-life men alive
It's a funny old world. A man's lucky if he gets out of it alive.
drinking lunch comedy
Some weasel took the cork out of my lunch.
drinking water fishes
I never drink water... fish f**k in it.
drinking boys two
The two-headed boy in the circus never had such a headache.
gambling alcohol other-half
I spent half my money on gambling, alcohol and wild women. The other half I wasted.
tragedy comedy happenings
Comedy is merely tragedy happening to someone else.
nice unhappy
Money will not buy happiness, but it will let you be unhappy in nice places.
drinking food beer
Once, during Prohibition, I was forced to live for days on nothing but food and water.
election vote
I never vote for anyone. I always vote against.
humor men lazy
The laziest man I ever met put popcorn in his pancakes so they would turn over by themselves.
daughter men thinking
My daughter wants to throw a stone at a bad man. I stop her from throwing, shaking my head and giving her a little slap. My disapproval is complete. You think: 'That's right, she shouldn't throw a stone even at a villain.' Then I hand her a brick to throw.
drinking beer reality
Reality is an illusion that occurs due to the lack of alcohol.