W. C. Fields
W. C. Fields
William Claude Dukenfield, better known as W. C. Fields, was an American comedian, actor, juggler and writer. Fields' comic persona was a misanthropic and hard-drinking egotist, who remained a sympathetic character despite his snarling contempt for dogs and children...
NationalityAmerican
ProfessionMovie Actor
Date of Birth29 January 1880
CityDarby, PA
CountryUnited States of America
mom mother lawyer
The only thing a lawyer won't question is the legitimacy of his mother.
election vote
I never vote for anyone. I always vote against.
funny drinking book
A woman drove me to drink and I didn't even have the decency to thank her.
christmas drinking house
Christmas at my house is always at least six or seven times more pleasant than anywhere else. We start drinking early. And while everyone else is seeing only one Santa Claus, we'll be seeing six or seven.
humor men lazy
The laziest man I ever met put popcorn in his pancakes so they would turn over by themselves.
christmas two merry
A merry Christmas to all my friends except two.
funny humor water
I never drink water; that is the stuff that rusts pipes.
breakfast comedy drink
I must have a drink of breakfast.
family men my-family
All the men in my family were bearded, and most of the women.
daughter men thinking
My daughter wants to throw a stone at a bad man. I stop her from throwing, shaking my head and giving her a little slap. My disapproval is complete. You think: 'That's right, she shouldn't throw a stone even at a villain.' Then I hand her a brick to throw.
drinking wine break-even
Never give a sucker an even break.
years earthquakes san-francisco
I was married once--in San Francisco. I haven't seen her for many years. The great earthquake and fire in 1906 destroyed the marriage certificate. There's no legal proof. Which proves that earthquakes aren't all bad.
drinking beer reality
Reality is an illusion that occurs due to the lack of alcohol.
children explanation ifs
I like children. If they're properly cooked.