Related Quotes
funny wall cancer
Donald, I'm not sure if you're even aware of this, but the only difference between you and Michael Douglas from the movie, Wall Street, is that no one's going to be sad when you get cancer. Anthony Jeselnik
funny girlfriend couple
A couple of months ago, I gave my girlfriend some fancy lingerie, and she actually got mad at me. She said, 'Anthony, I think this is more of a gift for you than it is for me.' And I said, 'If you want to get technical, it was originally a gift for my last girlfriend.'
funny dad father
My dad was a complicated man. He was a huge racist, my dad, but he still tried to be a good father, you know? Like, he would tell me that Santa Claus was black - that way, when I found out he didn't exist, it wouldn't be that big a let down.
funny mom brother
When I finished high school, I wanted to take all my graduation money and buy myself a motorcycle. But my mom said no. See, she had a brother who died in a horrible motorcycle accident when he was 18. And I could just have his motorcycle.
funny blessed dental
Blessed are they who hold lively conversations with the helplessly mute, for they shall be called dentists. Ann Landers
funny motivational hilarious
Television has proved that people will look at anything rather than each other.
funny children talking
If you want your children to listen, try talking softly - to someone else.
funny hilarious party
At every party there are two kinds of people - those who want to go home and those who don't. The trouble is, they are usually married to each other.
funny friends country
One out of four people in this country is mentally unbalanced. Think of your three closes friends; if they seem OK, then you're the one.
stupid arches conflict
The archenemy is the arch stupid! Thomas Carlyle
stupid developers
"Developers, developers, developers, developers, developers, developers, developers, developers, developers...." Steve Ballmer
stupid stubborn facts
Facts are stupid things — stubborn things, I should say. Ronald Reagan
stupid generations rich
Nobody can be rich and stupid for more than one generation. Romano Prodi
stupid thinking play
The nicer the point, the more -- the better I feel, the more excited I get. But I never play that my opponent looks stupid. I think that is wrong. I have too much respect for every opponent I play. Roger Federer
stupid different photograph
Getting a new passport took me a stupid amount of time. I had to go back five times with different photographs because they kept saying I was smiling, which is against the rules. I was not smiling. Sally Phillips
stupid army ebay
Somebody was telling me about the French Army rifle that was being advertised on eBay the other day - the description was, 'Never shot. Dropped once. Roy Blunt
stupid mean people
Certainly people have said a lot of deeply unfortunate and stupid things in Southern accents, but that doesn't mean there's anything wrong with the accent itself. Roy Blount, Jr.
stupid humorous cutting
The fact is that Democrats are not for tax cuts. Rosa DeLauro