Famous Quotes & Sayings

David Pierce

Kelsey Grammer is wickedly funny. He's like an 8-year-old child. He's always doing pranks, and we have a great time.

Rob McKittrick

He is that guy in the movie. He is that funny guy who can get in your grill, and be funny about it. He's a lot more interesting in person than you usually see on the screen.

Trevor Noah

Most of my show is true; like, 90% of everything I say on stage is true. I just have to find the way to make it funny - that's the difficult thing.

Taylor Hawkins

Life is funny. If you don't laugh, you're in trouble.

Shaquille O'Neal

Every time I do something silly, it comes off really funny because it's natural.

Sophie Wu

When you are 15, everything is such high stakes, even tiny things. I think because of that, it is funny but sad at the same time.

Dan Castellaneta

It's the cushiest job, but some lines are so funny that I crack up.

Angie Harmon

He's a great gentleman, and he's very funny. My girlfriends' husbands try to be like Jason now.

Mark O'Meara

Golf is a funny game and today seemed to go my way, so it was nice to get off to a good start.

Carl Jung

Aw, now look at that, you're being sarcastic, aren't you?

Russell Lynes

Don't let you mind wander - it's far too small to be let out on its own.

Russell Lynes

I don't know what makes you so dumb but it really works.

Woody Allen

I'd call him a sadistic, hippophilic necrophile, but that would be beating a dead horse.

Woody Allen

Organized crime in America takes in over forty billion dollars a year and spends very little on office supplies.

Woody Allen

Throughout history in the theater and film people do like sarcastic characters, and they do like curmudgeons - if they're amusing, they do like them despite the fact that they're vitriolic, particularly if they're for the right thing. If you can see that the person is a decent person and is for the right thing, and is not just a nasty person with base motives, but someone who is a decent human but expresses himself.

Woody Allen

As the poet said, 'Only God can make a tree,' probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on.

Woody Allen

Most of the time I don't have much fun. The rest of the time I don't have any fun at all.

William James

The perfection of rottenness.

Umberto Eco

A transposable aphorism is a malaise of the urge to be witty, or in other words, a maxim that is untroubled by the fact that the opposite of what it says is equally true so long as it appears to be funny.

Truman Capote

The good thing about masturbation is that you don't have to get dressed up for it.

Virginia Woolf

The history of most women is hidden either by silence, or by flourishes and ornaments that amount to silence.

Woody Allen

Curiosity, that's what kills us. Not muggers or all that bullshit about the ozone layer. It's our own hearts and minds.

Woody Allen

What if the worst is true? What if there's no God, and you only go around once, and that's it? Don't you want to be a part of the experience? You know, what the hell? It's not all a drag, and I'm thinking to myself: Geez! I should stop ruining my life searching for answers I'm never gonna get and just enjoy it while it lasts. And, you know, after-who knows? Maybe there is something, nobody really knows. I know that maybe is a very slim reed to hang your whole life on, but that's the best we have.

Woody Allen

You will notice that what we are aiming at when we fall in love is a very strange paradox. The paradox consists of the fact that, when we fall in love, we are seeking to re-find all or some of the people to whom we were attached as children. On the other hand, we ask our beloved to correct all of the wrongs that these early parents or siblings inflicted upon us. So that love contains in it the contradiction: The attempt to return to the past and the attempt to undo the past.

Woody Allen

My brain? That's my second favorite organ.

Woody Allen

I'm short enough and ugly enough to succeed on my own.

Woody Allen

The heart wants what it wants.