Related Quotes
carrying cowboy everybody free fun hit instead iron lived quiet west wild
If I lived back in the wild west days, instead of carrying a six-gun in my holster, I'd carry a soldering iron. That way, if some smart-aleck cowboy said something like "Hey, look. He's carrying a soldering iron!" and started laughing, and everybody else started laughing, I could just say, "That's right, it's a soldering iron. The soldering iron of justice." Then everybody would get real quiet and ashamed, because they had made fun of the soldering iron of justice, and I could probably hit them up for a free drink. 
funny wall cancer
Donald, I'm not sure if you're even aware of this, but the only difference between you and Michael Douglas from the movie, Wall Street, is that no one's going to be sad when you get cancer. Anthony Jeselnik
funny girlfriend couple
A couple of months ago, I gave my girlfriend some fancy lingerie, and she actually got mad at me. She said, 'Anthony, I think this is more of a gift for you than it is for me.' And I said, 'If you want to get technical, it was originally a gift for my last girlfriend.'
funny dad father
My dad was a complicated man. He was a huge racist, my dad, but he still tried to be a good father, you know? Like, he would tell me that Santa Claus was black - that way, when I found out he didn't exist, it wouldn't be that big a let down.
funny mom brother
When I finished high school, I wanted to take all my graduation money and buy myself a motorcycle. But my mom said no. See, she had a brother who died in a horrible motorcycle accident when he was 18. And I could just have his motorcycle.
funny blessed dental
Blessed are they who hold lively conversations with the helplessly mute, for they shall be called dentists. Ann Landers
funny motivational hilarious
Television has proved that people will look at anything rather than each other.
funny children talking
If you want your children to listen, try talking softly - to someone else.
funny hilarious party
At every party there are two kinds of people - those who want to go home and those who don't. The trouble is, they are usually married to each other.
funny friends country
One out of four people in this country is mentally unbalanced. Think of your three closes friends; if they seem OK, then you're the one.
gets knows nervous teacher
I have a teacher friend who gets nervous when there's $200 in her account. But at least she knows that in a week, she'll get another paycheck. I have no idea. Gaby Hoffmann
gets music shakespeare
You know, so many things get redone -- music gets remade, Shakespeare gets remade, Anne Heche
gets opportunity studies waits walk
You can see he really studies the game. He doesn't just walk out there and play. He waits for his opportunity to make the play and when you think he's not going to make the play, that's when he gets you. Herman Edwards
gets good hoping nobody praying
Everyone is praying and hoping that he gets better. He's a good friend. Nobody is going to be the same after this. It's all going to be different. David Cook
gets needs sure
I want to make sure he is ready, that he's where he needs to be when he gets there so he doesn't get hurt. Joe Girardi
gets interact people trailer wedding
Once in a while you'll get something like the Wedding Crashers trailer. It gets more people to see the trailer and interact with it in a way they've never been able to before.
gets system works
It's not always easy. But once you have a system in place, it gets easier. The thing that works for me is to know their schedules.
gets regulate
It's not about smoking. It's about who gets to regulate it.
gets
It's unfortunate that officiating gets intimidated a little bit.