Quotes about funny
funny witty mistake
They've finally come up with the perfect office computer. If it makes a mistake, it blames another computer. Milton Berle
funny humor television-watching
We owe a lot to Thomas Edison - if it wasn't for him, we'd be watching television by candlelight.
funny running health
My doctor told me that jogging could add years to my life. I think he was right. I feel ten years older already.
funny mothers-day hilarious
If evolution really works, how come mothers only have two hands?
funny humor thinking
I try to think up material that might apply to the subjects they are studying. How many mitochondria does it take to power a cell? One. Because mitochondria are the powerhouse of the cell. Not ready for prime time, that one. Mike Birbiglia
funny book dumb
With the history of us, a book wouldn't necessarily be the best thing. Keisha Buchanan
funny mom good-things
Moms Mabley said you have to say good things about the dead. I say, 'He's dead. Good.' Kate Clinton
funny mean people
Reaganomics, that makes sense to me. It means if you don't have enough money, it's just because poor people are hoarding it. Kevin Rooney
funny baby laughter
A lot of baby boomers are baby bongers. Kevin Nealon
funny witty stories
Nothing spoils a good story like the arrival of an eyewitness. Mark Twain
funny years ass
I have been an author for 20 years and an ass for 55.
funny-relationship thinking men
We like a man to come right out and say what he thinks- if we agree with him.
funny sarcastic way
Had double chins all the way down to his stomach.
funny humorous eye
In Paris they just simply opened their eyes and stared when we spoke to them in French! We never did succeed in making those idiots understand their own language.
funny sarcastic sports
Golf is a good walk spoiled.
funny witty powerful
Denial ain't just a river in Egypt.
funny life depression
When we remember we are all mad, the mysteries disappear and life stands explained.
funny bible sarcastic
The lack of money is the root of all evil.
funny life sarcastic
Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.
funny life graduation
In the first place, God made idiots. That was for practice. Then he made school boards.
funny life god
Only one thing is impossible for God: To find any sense in any copyright law on the planet.
funny sarcastic witty
Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company.
funny success carpe-diem
Let us be thankful for the fools. But for them the rest of us could not succeed.
funny sarcastic money
We have the best government that money can buy.
funny humorous gun
A lawyer with his briefcase can steal more than a hundred men with guns. Mario Puzo
funny america hands
I would like Americans to make things with their hands. Thomas Jefferson and I feel that makes for a much stronger nation. Nick Offerman
funny years nba
Steve Kerr, now coaching Golden State after eight tumultuous and very inconsistent years at TNT. Marv Albert
funny nice ideas
The idea that no gentleman ever swears is all wrong. He can swear and still be a gentleman if he does it in a nice and benevolent and affectionate way.
funny humor heaven
If there are no cigars in heaven, I shall not go.
funny believe hands
How many of you believe in telekinesis? Raise my hand.
funny fine taxes
A tax is a fine for doing well, a fine is a tax for doing wrong.
funny uncles men
A man with a hump-backed uncle mustn't make fun of another man's cross-eyed aunt
funny may irresponsible
I may be irresponsible but I am a good irresponsible. Nicholas Sparks