Famous Quotes & Sayings

Larry Dixon

I never thought I'd live this long. It sounds funny because I still think of myself as a kid.

Jerry Seinfeld

I don't need you to be funny. I don't want to be entertained.

Gilbert K. Chesterton

The poets have been mysteriously silent on the subject of cheese.

Lucy Punch

I personally do not find puke funny. I find it disgusting.

Lucy Punch

As long as it's funny, there's no such thing as too far.

Lucy Punch

Someone told me I had funny facial expressions. I don't know whether I take that as a compliment or not, but.

Nikki Reed

I feel like every day of my life is a funny wardrobe malfunction!

Pierre Salinger

A funny thing happened on the way to the election - I got to the Senate first.

Nellie Bly

On the wagon sped, and I, as well as my comrades, gave a despairing farewell glance at freedom as we came in sight of the long stone buildings.

Neil Young

Being sued by your own record company, that's even better than receiving a Grammy

Rachel McAdams

I'm very silly as a person, but quality silliness on-screen has more of an art to it. Harrison Ford, whom I was in 'Morning Glory' with, has mastered that dry funny better than anyone.

Newt Gingrich

A mere forty years ago, beach volleyball was just beginning. No bureaucrat would have invented it, and that's what freedom is all about.

Nick Cannon

I'd love to do a film with Mariah. But it would have to be a comedy. She's the funniest woman in the world, she just cracks me up all the time.

Nick Cannon

Imagine if you've got the diva of all divas. If we've got to be somewhere at five or six o'clock, I tell her its time to go at noon so she gets those five hours to do what she needs to do. But were both kids at heart. She is the funniest person ever and she has a great sense of humor. We connect at a spiritual level.

Mike Myers

My theory is that all of Scottish cuisine is based on a dare.

Joey Adams

Marriage is give and take. You'd better give it to her or she'll take it anyway.

Joey Adams

Never let a fool kiss you, or a kiss fool you.

Joey Adams

Do not worry about avoiding temptation. As you grow older it will avoid you.

Joey Lauren Adams

A psychiatrist is a fellow who asks you a lot of expensive questions your wife asks for nothing.

Joey Lauren Adams

A genius is one who can do anything except make a living.

Joe Theismann

Nobody in football should be called a genius. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein.

Kai Ryssdal

The funny thing is, I really feel it if I don't run. I start getting sluggish, and I feel like I need to do it. That's how I know that the workouts are working - I miss them if I don't have them.

Moby

Better a loving single-parent family than a 'conventional' family where the parents hate each other and the father is a demagogue.

Kirk Douglas

Why can't a woman be more like a dog, huh? So sweet, loving, attentive.

P. J. O'Rourke

A hat should be taken off when you greet a lady and left off for the rest of your life. Nothing looks more stupid than a hat.

P. J. O'Rourke

There are a number of mechanical devices which increase sexual arousal, particularly in women. Chief among these is the Mercedes-Benz 380SL convertible.

P. J. O'Rourke

Cleanliness becomes more important when godliness is unlikely.

P. J. O'Rourke

Because of their size, parents may be difficult to discipline properly.

P. J. O'Rourke

Never fight an inanimate object.

P. J. O'Rourke

Always read something that will make you look good if you die in the middle of it.

P. J. O'Rourke

Humans are the only animals that have children on purpose with the exception of guppies, who like to eat theirs.

P. J. O'Rourke

It's the squares who know how to fly the fighter planes and operate the missiles and the bombs and work the M-16s. Liberals would still be fumbling with the federally mandated trigger locks.

Ozzy Osbourne

Of all the things I've lost I miss my mind the most.