Famous Quotes & Sayings

Eddie Izzard

Religion and philosophy, philosophy and religion - they're two words which are both ... different. In spelling.

Eddie Izzard

Scrabble was invented by Nazis to piss off kids with dyslexia. This is true, they proved this one. The word dyslexia was invented by Nazis to piss off kids with dyslexia.

Eddie Izzard

I've done a bit of Latin in my time...but I can control it.

Eddie Izzard

There's not much makeup in the army, is there? No. They only have that nighttime look, and that's a bit slapdash, isn't it?

Eddie Izzard

No matter how much makeup I wore, people just kept saying "Yes, sir! Would you like tea with that, sir?" "Yes, I would like tea. Why don't you put it on my breasts?" "Certainly. Tea for this man's breasts! Anything else, sir?"

Eddie Izzard

"I've done your dog. It's got nine eyes down the side, I made his head all square, 15 legs. What do you think of that?" "Fido looks a bit weird."

Eddie Izzard

There's two positions in snowboarding. One is looking cool and the other is DEAD!

Eddie Izzard

And the druids, they were into sex and death in an interesting night-time telly sort of way.

Eddie Izzard

Never put a sock in a toaster.

Eddie Izzard

I like my coffee like I like my women. In a plastic cup.

Eddie Izzard

I grew up in Europe, where the history comes from.

Eddie Izzard

If you've never seen an elephant ski, you've never been on acid.

Ed Byrne

Ed, I see you're out drinking again. What's the occasion? I was sober.

Ed Asner

Raising kids is part joy and part guerrilla warfare.

Earl Wilson

Always remember, money isn't everything - but also remember to make a lot of it before talking such fool nonsense.

Dean Acheson

A memorandum is written not to inform the reader but to protect the writer.

David Walton

Chemistrys a funny thing. It can be instantaneous, but it helps when you know someone.

David Hyde Pierce

The first year I was on the show, it took an interviewer about 45 minutes to get it out of me that I even had a dog, and even then I wouldn't tell him the dog's name.

David Brenner

When I go to a bar, I don't go looking for a girl who knows the capital of Maine.

David Brenner

A vegetarian is a person who won't eat anything that can have children.

Arnold Schwarzenegger

It's simple, if it jiggles, it's fat.

Arnold Schwarzenegger

I have a love interest in every one of my films: a gun.

Arnold Schwarzenegger

I saw a woman wearing a sweatshirt with Guess on it. I said, Thyroid problem?

Arnold Schwarzenegger

Money doesn't make you happy. I now have $50 million but I was just as happy when I had $48 million.

Ben Stiller

I wanted to be funny for people who didn't care about fashion at all, to just to kind of exist as a silly character.

Benedict Cumberbatch

What makes a good animated movie is being able to balance adult and knowing in-jokes and also just out and out funny things that make all people laugh. The idea that it's actually something that will appeal to a family, that's the trick.

August Strindberg

People who keep dogs are cowards who haven't got the guts to bite people themselves.

August Wilson

I been with strangers all day and they treated me like family. I come in here to family and you treat me like a stranger.

Arthur Rimbaud

One evening I sat Beauty on my knees – And I found her bitter – And I reviled her.

Arnold Bennett

A cause may be inconvenient, but it's magnificent. It's like champagne or high heels, and one must be prepared to suffer for it.

I'm a terrific mimic, and you can feel my funny bone.

We're in a funny space. Too much good news is not good news because the market worries about the Fed.

Luke Treadaway

This morning someone sent me a very funny photo of me holding their puppy. We have matching colour jackets.