Quotes about funny
funny humor picnics
I hope you accidentally drink leukemia at a picnic. Jim Norton
funny new-year hate
God, do I hate my little fat tits. You ever pinch your little meat tits and wish you were dead? You ever just stand naked in the mirror. "You little fat-titted mediocre failure!" You ever do that for 3 hours on New Year's Eve.
funny humor rubber
I don't wear rubbers cause you can't catch it twice.
funny humor pussy
They don't tend to feature the kind of vaginas I like in adult films. I tend to like a thick, heavy pussy - the kind of pussy that looks like it just smoked an exploding cartoon cigar.
funny humor wish
I wish I had AIDS so I could bite somebody.
funny horse names
What's the name of the birth defect you have, trampled by a horse during the 2nd trimester?
funny running children
And while all of your friends are grieving at your wake, I hope the sprinkler system turns on and sprays them with AIDS, hepatitis C and liquified genital warts. And while they're all running out and crying, I hope one of them slips and accidentally molests a child.
funny stupid made
Most of the gaffes I've made have not been funny - they've been stupid. Jim Lehrer
funny motivational positive-thinking
You don't get paid for the hour. You get paid for the value you bring to the hour. Jim Rohn
funny humor bus
This is L.A. You wanna learn Spanish? Take the bus. George Lopez
funny humor gum
Presents? We already bought you a lot of things. Member when we were at the market and I bought you gum? You'member.
funny humor sunday
Y'know, if those pews reclined, and the priests gave the Raiders scores I'd go to church every Sunday.
funny humor presidential
Barack Obama may be black, but John McCain is the first Albino presidential candidate: he's completely see-through!
funny war humor
From now on, we're home schooling you. Whatever we don't know, you don't know. When did the Korean War start? I don't know, and neither do you!
funny humor waffles
if you make waffles, throw out the first one.
funny brother humor
George: Why've you had a grudge against your brother for 15 years? Benny: We Lopezes are a proud people... George: You have a birthday lunch at Denny's every month. We're not that proud!
funny humor laughing-so-hard
No Angie, it's instant. Like when someone trips in the cafeteria and you're laughing so hard milk comes out of your nose, the guy next to you is laughing so hard he accidentally farts. BOOM! Friends for life!
funny revenge humor
Two wrongs do not make a right; but three rights make a left.
funny comedy
We're Mexi-cans not Mexi-can'ts.
funny humor boys
We are now the proud owners of a white boy. Now we have to shop in the caucasian isle and get sunscreen, mayonaise and mild salsa because the other ones really hawt!
funny humor thinking
I'd shake his hand, but I think that's what's holding up his pants.
funny humor bags
One time, I was so hungry, I ate the beans in a bean bag chair.
funny humor bullets
Max: What's a period? George: It's a bullet we dodge, go get ready.
funny humor long
As long as you're a tax deduction, you'll always be safe in my house.
funny nice comedy
Whoever is my relative, I will not be nice to them.
funny reality white
I'm a big fan of reality shows. I thought the first one, Dukes of Hazzard, captured white people perfectly.
funny mom humor
Angie, I've seen my mom wrestle two cops to the ground with a taser dart in her neck, and you cry when your shoes pinch. Good luck, Bambi!
funny humor white
It's a great day in America when white people, black people and Latinos can all come together and pick on another minority.
funny mom humor
At the factory, I deal with ex-cons, substance abusers, and sexual harassers. And I'm not just talking about my mom.
funny humor house
I can never do nothing in this house!
funny humor names
You know how Mexican restaurants always have "border" in the name: Border Grill, Border Cafe. You wouldn't do that to black people: Kunta's Kitchen or Shackles. They don't do it to white people. You don't see the Honkey Grill, the Cracker Barrel... oh, nevermind.
funny mom humor
When I was 10 there wasnt trampolines and cartoon charaters, I never went to Chuck E Cheese! My mom said 'You wanna see a mouse pull the refrigerator Out!'
funny lent man market meat starts
A blunderer is a man who starts a meat market during Lent James Bailey