Bill Bailey
Bill Bailey
Mark Robert "Bill" Baileyis an English comedian, musician, actor, TV and radio presenter and author. Bailey is well known for his role in Black Books and for his appearances on Never Mind the Buzzcocks, Have I Got News for You, and QI as well as his extensive stand-up work...
ProfessionComedian
Date of Birth13 January 1965
CityBath, England
funny humor woods
I am Zebedee, lord of the woods! Bow down snail, I have dominion!
funny humor feminist
A feminist jumps out of a manhole - oh, and she didn't like that.
funny humor law
Of course, uh, the universe is gradually slowing down and, uh, will eventually collapse inwardly on itself, according to the laws of entropy when all it's thermal and mechanical functions fail, thus rendering all human endeavors ultimately pointless. Just to put the gig in some sort of context.
funny dad humor
I once punched a bloke in the face for saying 'Hawk the Slayer' was rubbish, when what I should have said 'Dad, you're wrong.'
funny humor light
How many amoebas does it take to screw in a light bulb? One, no two! No four! ...no eight!
funny running country
I spent my childhood scrambling round badgers and foxes and playing fantastic country kid games like knocking on people's doors and running away. God that was a good game.
funny humor people
People say 'Bill, are you an optimist?' And I say, 'I hope so.'
funny humor thinking
On GM crops: I think we've missed a trick there. We could develop wheat with the properties of velcro, to catch whatever it is that's forming those crop circles. But then the spaceship would have to have the corresponding velcro so it's a bit of a long shot.
funny humor talking
Talking of white supremacist violent types, I was in America, recently...
funny humor outlook-on-life
It's the augmented fourth, or diminished fifth, depending on your outlook on life...
funny humor ducks
I'm a vegetarian, I'm not strict. I eat fish. And duck, but they're nearly fish aren't they.
funny queens humor
"God save our gracious Queen": Why would we invoke a non-specific deity to bail out these unelected spongers?
funny country humor
But our country's equivalent of gritty reality is more like "Look out Sarge, he's got a shooter!"
funny humor long
Nostalgia: How long's that been around?