Bill Bailey
Bill Bailey
Mark Robert "Bill" Baileyis an English comedian, musician, actor, TV and radio presenter and author. Bailey is well known for his role in Black Books and for his appearances on Never Mind the Buzzcocks, Have I Got News for You, and QI as well as his extensive stand-up work...
ProfessionComedian
Date of Birth13 January 1965
CityBath, England
burning dollars bitter
I would never condone the burning of a Dan Brown novel, much though I loathe and detest his work. Well, I say work, you know, words, randomly arranged to form millions of dollars... I'm not bitter at all...
beautiful vintage guitar
My wife bought me a vintage Gibson guitar that isn't just beautiful but has tremendous sentimental value. I have plenty of guitars for live gigs but this is one to treasure.
funny humor past
This was my attempt to deter cold callers: "There's no past, there's no future, just one pulsating present... Please leave your message after the tone."
funny keyboards sound
Without the beat in the background, Jazz basically sounds like an armadillo was let loose on the keyboard
ham hamsters
I got ham but I'm not a Hamster
meat vegetarian modern
I'm a post-modern vegetarian. I eat meat ironically.
funny humor sharks
Orchestras have often been used to conjure up the natural world: Swans, sharks, trout, but not, as far as I know, the often maligned jellyfish.
stupid three littles
Three blokes go into a pub. One of them is a little bit stupid, and the whole scene unfolds with a tedious inevitability.
funny crush flower
Do not crush the flowers of wisdom with the hobnail boots of cynicism.
disappointment surprise crave
I'm English and, as such, I crave disappointment. That's why I buy Kinder Surprise.
funny humor fire
The reason we'd stopped was that the buffet car was on fire, that was the reason we stopped. One of the giant biscuits spontaneously combusted out of boredom. Whoever was charged with making the announcement momentarily lost all sense of procedure and we got this tantalizing glimpse into the chaos on the trains, and all we could hear was (bangs on microphone) "Gary, it's burning, what we gonna do?!" And everyone on the carriage just cheered, "Hooray! We're rubbish!"
three males pubs
Three women walk into a pub and say, `Hooray, we've colonised a male-dominated joke format'
strength moving enjoy-life
In Unity there is strength; We can move mountains when we're united and enjoy life - Without unity we are victims. Stay united.
funny religious humor
On the Taliban: That ethos was never going to work, was it? It was just cobbled together from different beliefs. The anti-intellectualism of the Khmer Rouge, the religious persecution of the Nazis, the enforced beard-wearing from the world of folk music, and the subjugation and humiliation of women from the world of golf.