Bill Bailey
Bill Bailey
Mark Robert "Bill" Baileyis an English comedian, musician, actor, TV and radio presenter and author. Bailey is well known for his role in Black Books and for his appearances on Never Mind the Buzzcocks, Have I Got News for You, and QI as well as his extensive stand-up work...
ProfessionComedian
Date of Birth13 January 1965
CityBath, England
funny hurt humor
I tried to like it. For me, it was like being smacked around the head by a piece of IKEA furniture: it hurts, but you've got to admire the workmanship.
funny humor law
Of course, uh, the universe is gradually slowing down and, uh, will eventually collapse inwardly on itself, according to the laws of entropy when all it's thermal and mechanical functions fail, thus rendering all human endeavors ultimately pointless. Just to put the gig in some sort of context.
funny humor light
How many amoebas does it take to screw in a light bulb? One, no two! No four! ...no eight!
funny humor people
People say 'Bill, are you an optimist?' And I say, 'I hope so.'
funny humor talking
Talking of white supremacist violent types, I was in America, recently...
funny humor outlook-on-life
It's the augmented fourth, or diminished fifth, depending on your outlook on life...
funny queens humor
"God save our gracious Queen": Why would we invoke a non-specific deity to bail out these unelected spongers?
funny country humor
But our country's equivalent of gritty reality is more like "Look out Sarge, he's got a shooter!"
funny humor existentialist
I am a confectionery-based existentialist.
funny book humor
Aldous Huxley took the drug mescaline and then chronicled his experience in the book The Doors of Perception. Now, I don't actually think that's the first thing he wrote: he probably wrote 'my brain is melting' ten thousand times, but it was the book that the critics latched on to.
funny humor magazines
I know that to be a true fact because I read it in Heat magazine
funny mother humor
Yes. Yes, when we live our life like 1950s detective films. I often go to my fridge, "Hullo, we're out of milk. I say mother, where's the milk?"
funny humor thank-god
Thank God for Darwin, eh?
funny horse humor
A horse walks into a bar, and the barman says "Why the long face?". The horse replies: "I'm deeply troubled by the anthropomorphic aspects of my existence and the extent to which I am now protected by law."