Emo Philips
Emo Philips
Emo Philipsis an American entertainer and comedian born in the Chicago suburb of Downers Grove. Much of his standup comedy stems from the use of paraprosdokians spoken in a wandering falsetto tone of voice and a confused, childlike delivery of his material to produce the intended comic timing in a manner invoking the 'wisdom of children' or the idiot savant...
NationalityAmerican
ProfessionComedian
Date of Birth7 February 1956
CityChicago, IL
CountryUnited States of America
The American government is making nuclear weapons like there's no tomorrow.
Girls throw their panties on the stage, but rarely if ever do they fit.
I learned about sex the hard way... from books.
Ambiguity — the Devil's volleyball.
I don't have to tell you folks about scuba diving. So, that'll save some time.
I'll do anything for my wife, it's turning out.
The other night, the president gave a speech. He said, "children are our most prescious natural resource". I thought, "let's hope it never comes to that".
A friend of mine gave me a Philip Glass record. I listened to it for five hours before I realized it had a scratch on it.
The other day a woman came up to me and said, Didn't I see you on television? I said, I don't know. You can't see out the other way.
I once heard two ladies going on and on about the pains of childbirth and how men don't seem to know what real pain is. I asked if either of them ever got themselves caught in a zipper.
For some reason, religious jokes seem as trivial as jokes about food or driving.
Pentiums melt in your PC, not in your hand.
The nicest present I ever got was an exploding suppository.
I'm from Downer's Grove, Illinois. We had a blackout there the other day, but fortunately the police made him get back into his car before he got too far.