Emo Philips
Emo Philips
Emo Philipsis an American entertainer and comedian born in the Chicago suburb of Downers Grove. Much of his standup comedy stems from the use of paraprosdokians spoken in a wandering falsetto tone of voice and a confused, childlike delivery of his material to produce the intended comic timing in a manner invoking the 'wisdom of children' or the idiot savant...
NationalityAmerican
ProfessionComedian
Date of Birth7 February 1956
CityChicago, IL
CountryUnited States of America
I wanted to get from 4th street to 8th... Then I remembered Einstein postulating that parallel lines eventually meet. They're dredging my car from Lake Michigan as we speak.
Sex is logically impossible after marriage. You have to overcome the paradox of Not this again, and Hey, where did you learn that?
I learned about sex the hard way... from books.
The way I understand it, the Russians are sort of a combination of evil and incompetence... sort of like the Post Office with tanks.
Girls throw their panties on the stage, but rarely if ever do they fit.
When I was a kid, my nickname was Mr. Baseball. Because of the stitches.
I don't have to tell you folks about scuba diving. So, that'll save some time.
The nicest present I ever got was an exploding suppository.
Pentiums melt in your PC, not in your hand.
I'm from Downer's Grove, Illinois. We had a blackout there the other day, but fortunately the police made him get back into his car before he got too far.
I go from stool to stool in singles bars hoping to get lucky, but there's never any gum under any of them.
They call me Good Time Emo. Because I love a good time! And my name is Emo.
Every time I see Dan Quayle I feel like buying a vowel.
Christmas seems to start earlier and earlier every year. Like, this time, it's on December 25th.