Emo Philips
Emo Philips
Emo Philipsis an American entertainer and comedian born in the Chicago suburb of Downers Grove. Much of his standup comedy stems from the use of paraprosdokians spoken in a wandering falsetto tone of voice and a confused, childlike delivery of his material to produce the intended comic timing in a manner invoking the 'wisdom of children' or the idiot savant...
NationalityAmerican
ProfessionComedian
Date of Birth7 February 1956
CityChicago, IL
CountryUnited States of America
At my lemonade stand I used to give the first glass away free and charge five dollars for the second glass. The refill contained the antidote.
Lord please break the laws of the universe for my convenience. Amen.
I ran five miles today. Then, finally, I said, 'Here, lady...take your purse.'
Writer's block is a myth. I never see the gardeners suffering from gardening block.
Santa Fe is fun to visit, but property there will cost you an arm and a dillo.
Probably the worst time in a person's life is when they have to kill a family member because they are the devil. But otherwise it's been a pretty good day.
Recently, I've ventured into the mammal family - so that's good for my sex life.
If you can make just one person laugh, then you are already doing better than Tony Danza.
My grandmother's brain was dead, but her heart was still beating. It was the first time we ever had a democrat in the family.
I'm not a Republican... but I am saving up to be one.
I've always kind of pushed the envelope in terms of trying to get away with things no one else was going near. I always thought of myself like a mouse trying to get cheese that no one else could get without getting their tail snipped off.
I'd be in the backyard minding my own business. The other kids would call me names, like meatball head or neo-Calvinist. I'd run after them, but lucky for them the chain would snap my neck back...
I thought I was raptured up into the air today; turns out, it was just my gas oven exploding.
I saw a psychologist once because I thought I had depression. It cost me $100. When I left, I realised that there's nothing he could have said that would cheer me up as much as if I found a $100 bill on my way home.