Joan Rivers
Joan Rivers
Joan Alexandra Molinsky, better known as Joan Rivers, was an American comedian, actress, writer, producer, and television host noted for her often controversial comedic persona—where she was alternately self-deprecating or sharply acerbic, especially toward celebrities and politicians...
NationalityAmerican
ProfessionComedian
Date of Birth8 June 1933
CountryUnited States of America
mountain age overcoming
Age - it's the one mountain you can't overcome.
doctors police age
You know you've reached middle age when you're cautioned to slow down by your doctor, instead of by the police.
fashion real underwear
"I wouldn't go over here to Lisa Rinna and I would say 'Are those breasts real, are you wearing underwear?'"
fashion real wonder
I'm sure some of you are wondering whether my breasts are real. Let me just explain to you. This one is, this one isn't.
lobotomy plastic surgery
A woman went to a plastic surgeon and asked him to make her like Bo Derek. He gave her a lobotomy.
believe parent ugly
I was so ugly that my parents sent my picture to 'ripley's believe it or not' - they sent it back and said, "we don't believe it."
shade looks window
I was getting dressed and a peeping tom looked in the window, took a look and pulled down the shade.
enough-time blink jokes
Why women don't blink during foreplay... not enough time.
children hate thinking
Every comedian is furious. Age makes me angry. I'm unhappy at not being able to open packages anymore. I'm angry that libraries have gone. I hate children on planes. I'm very shallow, so they tend to be little things. To be honest, I think I was probably angry the day I was born, you know, about diapers or something.
girl children memorable
I was not an attractive child. When I didn't use my Girl Scouts uniform as a uniform, I used it as a tent.
memorable rivers acting
Acting is my true love. I would like to have been a serious actor, and I plan to in the next life. I'm gonna be Meryl Streep Rivers.
suicide party vanity
I've learned: When you get older, who cares? I don't mince words, I don't hold back. What are you gonna do to me? Fire me? It's been done. Threaten to commit suicide? Done. Take away my show? Done! Not invite to me to the Vanity Fair party? I've never been invited! If I ever saw the invitation, I'd use it as toilet paper.
thinking
You’re going to get what I think is the truth, and it’s going to be raw.
regret party political
I've learned to have absolutely no regrets about any jokes I've ever done You can tune me out, you can click me off, it's OK. I am not going to bow to political correctness. But you do have to learn, if you want to be a satirist, you can't be part of the party.