Phyllis Diller
Phyllis Diller
Phyllis Ada Driver, better known as Phyllis Diller, was an American stand-up comedian, actress, singer, dancer, and voice artist, best known for her eccentric stage persona, her self-deprecating humor, her wild hair and clothes, and her exaggerated, cackling laugh...
ProfessionComedian
Date of Birth17 July 1917
CityLima, OH
get-well sloth lazy
Everybody knows how lazy he is. One day the neighbors saw Fang mow the lawn and I got three Get Well cards.
funny dog stoves
Every time I go near the stove, the dog howls.
fire mud californians
We Californians are constantly accused of not having seasons, but we do. We have fire, flood, mud, and drought.
suicide husband kids
My husband is so cheap. On Christmas Eve, he fires one shot and tells the kids Santa committed suicide.
song wine years
The constants all through the centuries will be the same; wine, women and song. Other than that, life will be very different technologically. In the year 3000 the universe will be expanding as it will forever, infinitely. We will probe outer space but never find life as evolutionized as ours. We were not created by a deity. We created the deity in OUR image. Life began on this planet when the first amoeba split. Mankind will still be seeking God, not accepting that God is a spirit; can't see it, touch it, only feel it. It's called LOVE.
inspirational baseball kids
If it weren't for baseball, many kids wouldn't know what a millionaire looked like.
family years insane
In most states you can get a driver's license when you're sixteen years old, which made a lot of sense to me when I was sixteen years old but now seems insane.
doctors body reincarnation
The doctor looked my body over. I said: Is there any hope? He said: Yes. Reincarnation.
funny dog nails
Oh, that dog! Ever hear of a German Shepherd that bites its nails? Barks with a lisp? You say, "Attack!" And he has one. All he does is piddle. He's nothing but a fur-covered kidney that barks.
ships tattooed wanted
I finally had a ship tattooed to my chest. I wanted something on it.
war fighting parent
I realize it is normal to argue. I almost missed World War II watching my parents fight.
beautiful sloth together
When he proposed he said, "We'll make such beautiful music together," but in this duet, his part seems to be all rests.
retirement real golf
The real reason your pro tells you to keep your head down is so you can't see him laughing at you.
parent married enough
Before you get married you should meet your fiance's parents. It is not enough that you like his parole officer.