Steven Wright
Steven Wright
Steven Alexander Wrightis an American comedian, actor, writer, and an Oscar-winning film producer. He is known for his distinctly lethargic voice and slow, deadpan delivery of ironic, philosophical, and sometimes nonsensical jokes, paraprosdokians, non sequiturs, anti-humor, and one-liners with contrived situations...
NationalityAmerican
ProfessionComedian
Date of Birth6 December 1955
CountryUnited States of America
funny song girlfriend
I'd like to sing you a song now about my old girlfriend. It's called "They'll Find Her When the Leaves Blow Away 'Cause I'm Not Raking 'Til Spring."
kids funny-things wow
When I was a kid, I never did funny things to get attention. I was never a funny person. I was never, like, 'Oh, wow. I could say this some day on stage.'
funny humor shadow
I got a new shadow. I had to get rid of the other one – it wasn’t doing what I was doing.
funny sex humor
Having sex with her is incredible. It's just like a concert. We throw Frisbees around the room. And when she wants more she lights a match.
funny humor thickness
My socks DO match. They're the same thickness.
reading machines done
I took a course in speed reading. Then I got Reader's Digest on microfilm. By the time I got the machine set up, I was done.
reading writing gears
It usually helps me write by reading - somehow the reading gear in your head turns the writing gear.
garage garage-sale
I went to a garage sale. 'How much for the garage' 'It's not for sale.'
tourists ifs cant
If its tourist season, why cant we shoot them
science car looks
I have a quantum car. Every time I look at the speedometer I get lost.
funny humor severity
The severity of the itch is proportional to the reach.
kids house scare
My house is made out of balsa wood, so when I want to scare the neighborhood kids I lift it over my head and tell them to get out of my yard or I'll throw it at them.
placebo
I'm addicted to placebos.
zero math black
Black holes result from God dividing the universe by zero.