Steven Wright
Steven Wright
Steven Alexander Wrightis an American comedian, actor, writer, and an Oscar-winning film producer. He is known for his distinctly lethargic voice and slow, deadpan delivery of ironic, philosophical, and sometimes nonsensical jokes, paraprosdokians, non sequiturs, anti-humor, and one-liners with contrived situations...
NationalityAmerican
ProfessionComedian
Date of Birth6 December 1955
CountryUnited States of America
tired night trying
I’m so tired... I was up all night trying to round off infinity.
hands watches thirds
Why is the third hand on a watch called a second hand?
trust two glasses
[Referring to a glass of water:] I mixed this myself. Two parts H, one part O. I don't trust anybody!
amnesia
I had amnesia once or twice.
funny humor doors
Why is it, when a door is open it's ajar, but when a jar is open, it's not a door?
hockey men goalies
Why doesn’t the fattest man in the world become a hockey goalie?
hawaii highways interstate
Why are there interstate highways in Hawaii?
funny humor skydiving
I was skydiving horizontally.
funny humor fax-machines
I have a fax machine with "fax waiting".
funny humor research
Why do scientists call it research when looking for something new?
funny father humor
My father was a small claims court jester.
funny humor resisting
I was once arrested for resisting arrest.
imagination my-friends my-imagination
I just have a relationship with my imagination. It's like my friend, almost.
museums arms comedy
I went to the museum where they had all the heads and arms from the statues that are in all the other museums.