Steven Wright
Steven Wright
Steven Alexander Wrightis an American comedian, actor, writer, and an Oscar-winning film producer. He is known for his distinctly lethargic voice and slow, deadpan delivery of ironic, philosophical, and sometimes nonsensical jokes, paraprosdokians, non sequiturs, anti-humor, and one-liners with contrived situations...
NationalityAmerican
ProfessionComedian
Date of Birth6 December 1955
CountryUnited States of America
funny humor night
It's a fine night to have an evening.
funny humor home
One day, when I came home from work, I accidentally put my car key in the door of my apartment building. I turned it, and the whole building started up. So I drove it around. A policeman stopped me for going too fast. He said, "Where do you live?" I said, "Right here!" Then I drove my building onto the middle of a highway, and I ran outside, and told all of the cars to get the hell out of my driveway.
funny song girlfriend
I'd like to sing you a song now about my old girlfriend. It's called "They'll Find Her When the Leaves Blow Away 'Cause I'm Not Raking 'Til Spring."
kids funny-things wow
When I was a kid, I never did funny things to get attention. I was never a funny person. I was never, like, 'Oh, wow. I could say this some day on stage.'
funny humor shadow
I got a new shadow. I had to get rid of the other one – it wasn’t doing what I was doing.
funny sex humor
Having sex with her is incredible. It's just like a concert. We throw Frisbees around the room. And when she wants more she lights a match.
funny humor thickness
My socks DO match. They're the same thickness.
reading machines done
I took a course in speed reading. Then I got Reader's Digest on microfilm. By the time I got the machine set up, I was done.
reading writing gears
It usually helps me write by reading - somehow the reading gear in your head turns the writing gear.
garage garage-sale
I went to a garage sale. 'How much for the garage' 'It's not for sale.'
tourists ifs cant
If its tourist season, why cant we shoot them
science car looks
I have a quantum car. Every time I look at the speedometer I get lost.
funny humor severity
The severity of the itch is proportional to the reach.
kids house scare
My house is made out of balsa wood, so when I want to scare the neighborhood kids I lift it over my head and tell them to get out of my yard or I'll throw it at them.