Steven Wright
Steven Wright
Steven Alexander Wrightis an American comedian, actor, writer, and an Oscar-winning film producer. He is known for his distinctly lethargic voice and slow, deadpan delivery of ironic, philosophical, and sometimes nonsensical jokes, paraprosdokians, non sequiturs, anti-humor, and one-liners with contrived situations...
NationalityAmerican
ProfessionComedian
Date of Birth6 December 1955
CountryUnited States of America
narrators used mime
I used to be a narrator for bad mimes.
wish firsts said
I wish the first word I ever said was the word quote, so right before I die I could say unquote.
hero talking everyday-things
I like George Carlin's jokes. I like his humor. He's one of my heroes, and I like what he did with talking about everyday things.
tired people saws
I saw a sign: "Rest Area 25 Miles". That's pretty big. Some people must be really tired.
naked band
I'm not naked, I'm in the band.
feet car wheels
A cop stopped me for speeding/ He said, 'Why were you going so fast?' I said, 'See this thing my foot is on? It's called an accelerator. When you push down on it, it sends more gas to the engine. The whole car just takes right off. And see this thing [mimes steering wheel]? This steers it'
degrees study calcium
I had just received my degree in Calcium Anthropology... the study of milkmen.
ems true-lies
Women... can't live with 'em...... can't shoot 'em
dog people ledges
The other day, I was walking my dog around my building . . . on the ledge. Some people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths.
insightful kind hindsight
In hindsight, I realized I could see into the future. Which is kind of like having premonitions of flashbacks.
father stranger ten
When I was ten, my pa told me never to talk to strangers. We haven't spoken since.
people tree shadow
The other day when I was walking through the woods, I saw a rabbit standing in front of a candle making shadows of people on a tree.
humor metaphor simile
A metaphor is like a simile.
snakes vests arms
Snakes have no arms. That's why they don't wear vests.